I stopped responding not because I had planned to.
It happened because I realized I could not keep explaining myself to someone who never really heard me. My phone was silent for hours and then the messages started piling up. Not kind ones, just frantic ones, then angry ones.
I’d triggered an alarm.
Narcissists seem to lose their grip when you cut off the oxygen supply that is your attention. They don’t go inward and self-reflect they panic and that panic comes out sideways. You see them watching your social media, trying to get friends on their side, or suddenly acting like you never mattered. It looks like regret but it's not, it's an itch for control.
Silence is really magic boundary.
If you go silent the narcissist gets the message and finally understands what they did. The reality is they double down, the campaign against you may start slow, some quiet digs and sad stories shared with mutual friends. Don't think they are really mourning the loss of you. No, they’re just protecting their story and making sure no one questions why you left.
If you defend yourself you give them the piece they need to keep the game going.
Some say narcissists are just hurt people lashing out and there’s even debates about whether they even know what they’re doing or not. From my experience with a couple of them in my life(both friends and family) I believe it’s possible some do not. But I still doesn’t change the effect they have on you, especially your mental health.
Your silence becomes the evidence they use to smear you, then bait you to come back, then punish you for leaving.
What I have just said is the inevitable fate of anyone who gets back into their control after they guilt trip you.
Believe me when I say, at times the move is public. Angry posts with stories twisted until you don’t even recognize yourself in them.
Sometimes it’s private. They’ll reach out pretending they care or that they’re worried about your mental health. Hahaha, it happened to me just a couple of hours ago before I wrote this blog. Infact that's what triggered me to write about it this afternoon.
Always remember that both are about the same thing which is Keeping the attention on themselves.
They will move on when you refuse to play along. New friends, new partners, it's all for show. It could look like they’re happier without you and it’s pretty tempting to take that personally, but that’s the cycle, they don’t pause to feel they just swap out the audience.
You will start to realize that none of it was ever about you, it was always about what you could give to them and not who you are.