Hey yo, guys! What's up?
We can't really help it, but we are currently hustling in the month of July. Oh my, time flies! In line with this, it may possible that the whole population as of the moment is divided into two groups: (1) those who are excited to proceed with this new page of the calendar and face another adventure-filled month or (2) those who wanted another extension because of some requirements that they need to submit within the early weeks of July. Regardless of whether you belong to the former or the latter, I am hoping that your goals for this month are consistently in progress, if not fully accomplished.
I have been wanting to finish this second blog post under the Compelling Thoughts series ever since May 11, but I was not able to find the right elements and opportunity that will make it worthy of a post. I guess this is the best time to fill it in and finally put an end to its "Draft" status, now that the degree of the challenges that I have been going through got unfortunately worse.
Let us start with one fact that is bugging me until now:
My motivations are headed in another direction.
I really do not want to admit it at first but yes, it seems that my general working state is not in its best because that lively spirit within me wants to work on other things. Every idle moment was spent on daydreaming about something that I am most passionate about. A pang of disappointment hits me when I realize that most of the time, I have to deal with the reality that I am committed to something for some reasons that I thought would make my life safe and comfortable.
I don't know whether my decisions right now are correct. The only way to know is to go through it so that once I'm done, I may look back and reflect upon the process and what transformations it did to me along the way. The main problem that stops me from achieving the finish line is that I do not know what should sustain me from pushing through. It's as if I see a lot of better opportunities around me that I would want to give up what I have right now. I have always thought that motivation is the core ingredient of every undertaking. Every time I hear stories about successful people from different walks of life, I always presume that their common denominator is that they were able to establish the right motivations in what they do. It made me anxious that my case is not the same as theirs. I'm stuck between chasing my goals according to where my motivation is headed and sticking to the practical in order to meet life's demands.
We all want to be successful, but what if the motivation is not there yet to give you the "pump" and push you to be in your best self?
Realizing that I was out of the right words for an answer to this question, I patiently waited for an opportunity that would somehow give me a hint as to what I should do to keep myself going. God was so good that the sign did come.
When I was still working as an online ESL teacher, I had a Japanese student who works as a researcher. He is a biologist with a PhD degree and his area of study focuses on making different vegetable hybrids to ensure high quality and productivity. I felt honored to have him in my class, given his educational attainment and his in-depth knowledge about improving the quality of vegetables. As a novice researcher, I took the opportunity to ask him how did he accomplished the goal of reaching his milestones. I am curious about whether he had a fair share of his struggles too, because if he doesn't have any, then it would mean that maybe I am not really 'fit' for this job. I was able to feel the truth to his words when he said that he too worked long hours just to finish reading articles and writing paragraphs of literature reviews. He told me that all his PhD life, he almost never experienced a good night's sleep. That made me comfortable and afraid at the same time. Comfortable, probably because he rode the same boat as mine in the past. Afraid, because the painstaking journey is just too long that I am too impatient to finish.
What stuck in my head even until now was the word that he told me in order to push through this path: fortitude.
A beautiful quote about fortitude from St. Augustine.
Fortitude is having the strength in both your heart and mind to face any form of adversities in life. When you have fortitude, it means that you are brave, calm and uncomplaining in going through these struggles (Collins Dictionary). When I fully understood its meaning, I realized that in order to achieve this form of strength, I do not need to be excellent on the thing that I am doing nor be highly motivated to achieve the virtue of fortitude. I realized that accepting these personal adversities and still maintaining a solid composure despite its harshness will make the whole journey worthwhile. Being as imperfect as we are, it must be understood that not having any motivation from the start must not be a reason to be shaken from the challenges being thrown at us in the present. In fact, what makes this life a thrilling quest is that all along we are so restless in looking for this motivation that sometimes we forgot to appreciate what we gain along the way. I believe that the focus must not be on looking for the right timing and perfect motivation. Our eyes must be on what we gain in the end -- working things out with fortitude so that the hassle of looking out for our passions will not paralyze and stop us from growing.
Uncomfortable is an understatement to describe how we feel when we are faced with any form of challenges. Not having the right motivation when these trying times arrived must not be a reason to blame and bring ourselves down. The best thing that we can do is to make sure that as we go through each process, either the easy or difficult ones, we continuously develop the strength in our minds and hearts. Surely, having fortitude in us will buy us some time to wrap in our heads and make sense of the actual purpose of going through that journey.
So that's it! Hopefully that in the next coming days, the need to establish the fortitude in us will eventually prevail over the need to always be on the mood and on the best path possible. Always remember, life is really tough, but we are way better than the challenges that we face. Keep hustling!
Always aiming for the best,
Jay (@jsmalila) <3