“I sit and admire my handiwork for a long time. So as not to make the ordeal unpleasant for him we make small talk on topical subjects, Roy somewhat muffled. At some point I must leave him to attend to Jetta's needs. When I return I find he has hopped out of my house, still wrapped in cling-film. The loss leaves me broken and pitiful. He never calls me. He sends no tickets. The police come and reprimand me. Jetta is taken away, although I get her back after a complicated legal process.”
Submitted for your approval, the case of Ulrich Haarbürste who likes to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film, or more specifically him wrapping Roy Orbison in cling-film. I shit you not, Roy Orbison the much-celebrated musician wrapped in cling-film - you can literally find anything on the internet. He is also looking for other fictional work involving celebrities being wrapped in cling-film if you have any lying around.
Ulrich did manage to publish a book containing his joyous works, however he seems to be having some issues with his manager and so getting hold of a copy seems impossible at the moment. I've found two second hand copies with asking prices higher than snoop dogg, but I may email him asking if he has any copies lying around, you'd be surprised how often that works.
Ulli, as I'm going to affectionately refer to him as now, seems like he's quite a character. When you visit his website and try to buy a copy of his long awaited novel, instead of plugging his book he asks the reader a question.
“Are you sure you want to? What if your wife or husband or someone finds your credit card bills? What if government agents are tracking your net usage? Twenty years from now you could be a crusading MP or congressman or whatever, about to cast the deciding vote on a piece of legislation you've spent months pushing through which will abolish all bad things and make the world a happy place for everyone for ever, and just as you stand up to speak you hear a little sticky rasp and look round to see a Man In Black - with dark glasses - an agent of the Evil World Ruling Cabal, standing at the back of the auditorium toying with a roll of clingfilm, smiling menacingly and shaking his head at you forbiddingly. Instantly you realise, he knows, and you're buggered. You swallow drily, sweat starting on your brow, and try to resume. "Mister Speaker...as sponsor of this bill," - you hear another rasp - "as sponsor of this bill, which we have all fought long and hard to bring into existence" - rasp - "this bill to abolish all bad things and make everyone happy forever," - behind you the evil agent gives a cough that sounds like, Jetta - "I am suddenly compelled to ask, are we rushing into this? Are we making a grave mistake? Are bad things really all that bad? Poverty, disease, war, crime, corruption - are these things not part of the lifeblood of any great nation? Who are we to abolish them? Foolish nonsense... must change my vote... consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds... bigger picture..."”
Good point mate. Ulli has five of his original stories, plus two specials including Roy in ClingFilm in Space, which I must admit I haven't read yet but I'm looking forward to getting round to it this evening. You can head on over to his website right now and lose yourself in the fast and loose world of Roy in cling-film. You won't regret it
Are you already a fan of Roy in ClingFilm? I may be a little late to the party with this one, but I was captivated from the get go. Elaborate troll, or masterpiece of fan fiction; you decide. Let me know your thoughts and feelings down in the comments section, and I'll see you down there. As always, make sure to follow me for the latest Internet and Pop Culture updates, plus whatever else I feel like writing about, and if you enjoyed this make sure to gently tap that upvote button. Until next time, keep wrapping!
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Sources:
Ulli's Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Website (http://michaelkelly.artofeurope.com/karl.htm)
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