I was born in Virginia Beach Virginia near the end of 1980, and to anyone wondering; I am a Capricorn, Sagittarius Moon, Cancer Rising. I'll admit that I only partially understand what that means, but I know it all ties into the lessons I've presented myself as well as those that were predetermined for me. Before you dart off thinking these are going to be run of the mill stories, just know that I am rather lucky to be alive today, and some of the stories I will tell through these blogs will reflect just that. I intend to make you laugh, cry, cringe a little and with any luck: I will teach you some life lessons through my own past actions.
I haven't had the easiest life, though I should say now that's mostly been my fault. I've made some pretty asinine decisions along the way. I've made some really good ones too, so don't get me wrong - not everything I will write about is going to be negative. The series of stories I wish to write will be me - purely unfiltered, told as I remember them, and as descriptively as possible. That being said, I appreciate your attention and time.
I was conceived in a Virginia State Penitentiary, during a conjugal visit in 1980. My biological father was doing time for Piracy of the Seas. My uncle's best friend, had wooed my mother and despite his more or less rotten core, she fell for him. While he was incarcerated, he fed her with the usual "changed man" BS, and had convinced her to marry him in his last few months of serving time. According to her, those changes never came about. In fact, he was released, came home for the first half of a day, and then left out with his Hell's Angel club for almost a week before returning again. By the time I was 5 months old, he had decided being a father or husband just wasn't in the cards for him and he rolled out on his Harley. I didn't actually meet the dude, memorably speaking, until I was around 4 years old. By then, my mother had remarried. The only reason he came around at that point, was to object to my adoption by my step-father. This was the catalyst to some of the most real problems I faced through my youth, and into my mid-teens.
I have a fantastic long term memory, though because of A.D.D. and marijuana my short term isn't always the best. That being said though, I recall things from really early in my life. To be factual, the first memory I have was at 19 months old, while potty training, There was an incident with a toilet lid, and it involved a trip to the hospital and an ice pack. No long term damage, just a worried mother who left me with a story to tell. I even recall my first bad dream, though I can't say what age I was with total accuracy - I was less than 3 and likely over 2 years old. I recall being in a station wagon with my step-father, sitting in the back seat eating something, and feeling content. It wasn't a long drive. We pulled up to the curb in a neighborhood, along side a mailbox. The feeling of contentment quickly turned to a feeling of unease. I watched as he pushed the shifter upward and in to park. He looked back at me with an emotionless face and said, "I want you to meet a friend buddy." In that moment, something told me to fear this event and my heart started to race. Somehow I knew beforehand that his "friend" wasn't going to be my friend at all. In the next instant, he was at the rear passenger side door of the car and opening it. He leaned down into the car, undid my seat belt and gently removed me from the car. He placed my feet on the ground, and before even looking up I noticed the lower portion of the mail box was no longer a post. It was instead a heap of dark flowing material. "Hey J, this is my friend, say hi.", he said to me, but I instantly started to cry and shake my head, refusing to look up. It's important to note that at this point in my life, I had never feared this man nor had reason to believe anything about him to be nefarious or unkind. But I feel this dream was a warning to me, from me, for reasons unknown at the time. He crouched down to my eye level, took a firm grip on my chin and pulled my gaze to his. He said "If you want me to give you something to cry about, I will. Stop. Now. Meet my FUCKING friend!" - and raised my head somewhat forcefully to look upward. What I saw terrified me, and I woke up screaming for my mother. It wasn't until later in life I realized he was introducing me to a reaper. While just a dream, it stays with me even long after his passing away. (No, I didn't send him to see his "friend")
I suppose I lead off with the dream, because my step-father and I ended up having an extremely troubling relationship during the formative years of my life. As I had mentioned before, I never met my biological father until he showed up to object to my adoption. Once the cat was out of the bag, and I knew TK was no longer my dad, the entire dynamic of our relationship changed, and it wasn't long before I became the red-headed step child he enjoyed punishing. I am not going to go into detail here, just yet, but I will expand on this topic in another post. The fact of the matter is that I did deserve to be punished for many of the ridiculous things I did as a kid, but it could have been done much differently. Despite the punishments, my actions became more and more bold, and eventually turned criminal in nature by the time I was 10 years old.
I am fully aware this has been mostly negative, but I assure you there are many positive aspects to my life too. Even in between what has been mentioned as of now. But I feel like these are important introductory points regarding my life. The prelude to some epic, wild, and outright insane stories about my experiences along the way. Just a small portion of the good, bad, and the ugly - in a sea of lessons. The lessons that lead to my overall success as a parent, an adult, and as a decent human being. I hope you will stick around for my tell all, and enjoy all I have to share with the world. I hope you feel the raw emotion attached to the stories, both present and future, and find the life lessons in each of them. And while I haven't shared stories of success just yet, I would like to leave you with my favorite quote, and the one I attribute the majority of my success later in life to - "Only 10% of life is what happens to you. The other 90% is how you react."
I appreciate you taking the time to read this mostly dark intro to my youth, and some of the foundation for who I am today. For the next entry, I'll tell you why I am not fond of The March of Dimes or porta-pottys.
Picture from: https://pixabay.com/photos/mirror-man-darkness-light-look-3864155/
Photo by Simedblack at Pixabay