Do not mind my title. I was writing two versions of my Hive introduction: written and typed. I just think it would be a shame to change the title especially when it was an integral part of the progression of this writing.
Writing is not my forte nor have there been a conscious continuous effort to develop the skill. Regardless, in my scrap papers and notebooks, I write down my thoughts. I find that when I’m down, writing on a piece of paper helps me process these juggling and irrational thoughts to problem and solution components. It gets my foot through the door to help me feel better per se. I guess that’s the reason therapists ask patients to do the same.
This article would be my first ever ‘true’ attempt at writing for others to read. I hope that my writing would get better as I do more write-ups in the future.
Let me tell you about myself. I was not in a good state for the first 3 quarters of the past year (2021), so a lot of scratch papers and notebooks were vandalized by my handwriting. I do not have them nor do I intend to keep any of them. I was in my low point. I had difficulty sleeping. I started neglecting relationships with my family, my friends, and especially my girlfriend. It gives a good laugh when we look back at it now, but it sure is not as great experiencing it. I guess my place exacerbated my situation. I was living alone in a windowless place my family owns. I lacked fresh air, sunlight, and human contact. I lived like I was in solitary confinement (at my own volition ofc) except I had internet and study materials.
My constant worry, stress, and anxiety were centred around the self-criticism I have for my career prospects. I failed the licensure examination for chemical engineers the first time I took it and I have not attempted until the 3rd year after my graduation. The inferiority complex is real even though no one in my circle (or do I suspect anyone really cares) disses me for my failure. In fact, my friends and family were really supportive. I was a functioning member of the community, I had a job, I pay my taxes, and I partake in community-drives but still can’t help but criticize myself.
For the first time in my life, I had to work like my life depended on it. Four hours of sleep was as common to me as seeing a red car on the street. I had insatiable thirst for inspirational stories and quotes. My favourite quote is “Do not wait for the goose to lay the golden egg, work hard for it”. The difference between those who succeeded and those who did not are their ability to endure pain and their willingness to sacrifice. This is a concept I adopted from Mark Manson’s book ‘The art of not giving a F*ck’. Life is results-based. The earlier we realize, the better our chances of avoiding miserable-ness.
It was truly an experience I would not trade for anything. My stubbornness and smugness were humbled. At the Lord’s blessing, I passed the licensure examination. I am now an Engineer.
Getting Back to God
I was schooled in religious schools and my parents are devout Roman Catholics, but I became an atheist. Ironic, isn’t it? Though I did not intend to be a non-believer, I have always had constant questions about God even though every 1st Friday of the month we have Bbible studies and mandatory masses in school back then. I swear I didn’t chose to be an atheist to look cool and special.
By age 13, I started questioning teachings of the Bible in our mandatory Biblebible studies. I was a large fan of science fiction, history, evolution, and space travel. The things in the Bible were contradictory to my interest. I am not a believer of supernatural. I believe everything has an explanation; if not now, then maybe in the future. And so until recently, I identified as an atheist.
But then I got the chance to self-reflect when faced with the low point in my life. In my struggle, I found myself longing the embrace of God’s comfort. I do not have to take the Bible literally, but symbolically. Getting back to God helped me focus and get through the problems I had in life. How comforting it is to think that God Almighty has our and our neighbor’s interests at heart.
Introduced to Hive
I was introduced to Hive by my girlfriend @proteancreator . She is a prolific writer and a great one at that. She read my previous writiirings, and she thinks I have potential. I like to think she is not saying empty words for the sake of comfort. She is my girlfriend after all; trust and truthfulness are highly regarded in our relationship. Even if truthfulness is exaggerated, no harm will come from thinking each of us has potential for something; we just have to be realistic. The ‘placebo effect’ and ‘law of attraction’ are helpful concepts in dealing with life.
My previous writings were based around the random realizations I had on my free time. You have so much free time when you’re a bored teenager. I think my most notable writing was ‘Effort as Current’. It was a deeply therapeutic article for me. I hope one of this days, I can re- write them on this platform and share the extent to which boredom can do to a teenager.
Expectations in Hive
I am inexperienced in blogging and following bloggers (aside from my girlfriend), but there was this British lady that I followed before. I forgot how I came across this woman; maybe fished randomly from the deepest corners of the internet. I got to see her grow as an apprientice boat maker to being one experienced in her trade. From her writings, I saw that she dealt with the growing pressure from her family to get married, her determination not be sidelined from big projects because she is a short, petite woman, and her difficulties and insecurities in dating. I have never met this woman, nor are we physically close (she lives the other side of the world) yet in time, I got to care. I was drawn by her wholesomeness.
You can expect me (the reader) to be your friend in the shadow. You may not know me, but you can expect that I care for you and that I want the best for you. Your writings are being heard. Likewise I expect to have the same. Funny how we can care for people we have never neither met nor talked with in real life. I want to be part of such a community which I see happening or potentially happening in the Magical World of Hive..
About Me
I am Engr. Kevin Carl T. Miramontes, ChT, your typical 25 years old millennial dealing with quarter-life crises. I am a work in progress. There will be times where I will be forced to make decisions. Follow me as I navigate life through the lenses of a frustrated and indecisive engineer. You can expect me to write about options (may it be career or personal) by weighing their opportunity costs, potential for growth, making decisions (claiming myself to be 100% sure), and then abruptly dropping them.