I do strongly believe that there are no truly unique people in this world. Ha, there is even a small chance that somewhere lives a genetic copy of you! No matter where are we from we have lots in common. We mostly choose love over hate, like eating chocolate, enjoy sunny weather, watch popular TV series or sport events. I could probably write countless of examples. On the other hand we make similar mistakes, suffer tragedies or losses.
Would you read my story and see that we have something in common, regardless of distance separating us? Maybe you will find some inspiration or inspire me with an idea, I would never came across. Let’s find out.
My name is Grzegorz Gras, but just for your convenience you can call me GG. I am a former non-commissioned officer fighting everyday with my constant migraine attacks, back pains, depression, bad self-esteem, panic attacks, aggression and overweight. I assume this is not the best way to present myself so you can finish right here, I will not feel offended. I respect your time and effort going up to here. But if you are still with me let’s continue my journey with include milestones, named after four seasons: Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. In that order.
Summer
Includes my life in high school as well as my first University of Economics in Wroclaw. My mind rebellious mind was filled with ideas of changing the world fueled by cheap beer and rock music. Beside some minor problems, which face almost every teenage in my age like constant lack of money, misunderstanding by parents, fast batteries drain and SYSTEM I would consider it as the best years in my life. I was also looking for my on way, which will also reflect my moral standards. At the age of 24 after watching few military themed movies like Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawk Down or Tears of the Sun I decided to join the army as officer. My plan was to pass exams to prestigious Tadeusz Kosciuszko Military Academy. It was quite a challenge for me, especially when never do any sports, beside obligatory PX in school. I was so focused on my goal that I have nearly all aspects of my life. People were nothing to me, but only means carrying out to my objectives. That time I lost some of my good friends. After two years of deadly trainings and several bridges burned behind me I was finally able to start my study. Strangely I could not feel any satisfaction...
Fall
First month in army was very hard. Trainings and general military drill was nothing that could be described in few sentences. Everyday routine was rather closer to Full Metal Jacket than real team building presented in Band of Brothers. Sometimes I had a feeling that they were made to humiliate individuals then teach something. We were unified to the same mental and psychical level and each deviation from a accepted standards were punished with several creative penalties from extra series of exercise in ABC suit to wearing whole armament squad by one person. Honestly, I cannot remember receive any of it twice. One good thing was that I really become hardass. Basic training was accomplished and we were took our oath. After one month were get a weekend pass to visit our families, eat delicious dinner and get party. Actually parties were important things, during our service, and alcohol the best stress managing tool. I must admit that I was really involved in soldier's life. It was a great prestige and gave a promise of a life full of adventures with good stable income. I especially liked special training like parachuting, tactics and mountain climbing. During first year of my service I have also meet a girl - Monika, who has been my wife from eight years.
My service last and military life become less pleasant for me. In a post soviet army, with officers without clear mission and vision it was getting harder and harder to keep to my ideals. The measurement of how good you are was often a matter if you were sticked with right people. No matter how you try hard, you were often declined with weekend pass. Monika was really supportive during that times and became more and more frustrated. Once during parachute jumps I got spin contusion, which I have hidden, fearing of losing my profession. That decision is affecting my life till today. Around third year of my service I start to suffer very strong headaches, which lasted even 72h, making my service even less tolerable. That year I have engaged with Monika, and three months later we married each other. My service lasted but high dose of stress, growing frustration, several migraines and back pains were starting ruining my health. My wife couldn't stand my condition encouraged me to take medical examination which will confirm my condition and gave me ultimate cease from service. Without any source of income, qualifications or financial support I left the army around December 2011.
Winter
I couldn't find any job for couple of month. We had credits to be paid and or debt start to grow incredibly. I fall into great depression, I couldn't move from my bed for couple of weeks. My wife was brave enough to run our family on her own. She somehow saw a talent in me and encourage me everyday to develop myself as a graphic designer. I was using several online courses in trial mode to learn Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign. She was also praying for me, so become I. After 9 months I was finally able to get a job in my new profession but without any contract. Salary was so low, that it only allowed for food and other very basic stuff. As I required medical Attention after couple of months I decided to leave my company and start one person studio. It was difficult to obtain new orders, whole marketing market stucked after recent financial crisis. Eventually I have multiplied our debts to the level I was scared to picked up a call from unknown phone number or open a door fearing of bailiff visit. My friend Michal was working for a large corporation so I decided to apply. After a month of several interview levels I finally get a permanent job. I have borrowed small amount of money for a last time to buy business uniform. When I received my health insurance another shadow came to my life. Some spots were detected during MRI of my head. It could mean the worst. Meanwhile we have lost our child. My depression hit the bottom. I have stop doing any sport, I have gained additional 20 kg of fat. After several months of hospital examination doctors luckily excluded any kind of cancer, and partially SM. They also told that level of my stress is so high that it can damage my brain structure. I had to learn how to leave with that.
Spring
After three years of permanent job I was able to pay off all my debts and buy small house. To encourage me to go for a walk much often then only when disposing our garbage we decided to buy a puppy. Dogs are incredible. I am still learning how to enjoy my life from her. I wish that I am not a person my dog see me. Later on my friend Janek advised us to start traveling, which resulted shortly with my first plane flight in the age of 33! I start really enjoy it. In the next year I have took around 30 flights, visit 6 different places in Europe. Good for a start. Traveling made me more open for a another cultures, help creating my view of world, generated previously by mass media. I have found peace in I still have migraines, my back hurts as hell but my life is getting better day by day. I have also returned to gym, start running. I have lost 15kg! Recently I get involved into crypto technology, which give me additional freedom of choice and open multiple doors of options. I strongly believe that decentralized technologies like steemit will change a world to a better place to live.
This point I would like to thank my wife to be greatest support for me during the darkest period of my life. I was really lucky to have her close to me every time when I was falling down.
On my blog I will try to submit everything, which helped me to have a better live. You will find here sone various articles regarding my sport activity, amateur tourism, cryprocurrency, but my main goal will be to start series of tutorials, which could possibly help you to learn new profession, as I have done couple of years ago. Feel free to ask me any question. I will be happy to answer them!
I wish you all the best,
Grzesiek
PS) I would like to thank @jerrybanfield for an effort and time spent on his great YT video introducing STEEMIT