Welcome! It is my hope that this intro serves a few purposes. The first is the obvious - to introduce myself to the Steemit community in a clear, informative way that gives a taste of what topics I will likely be sharing more info on. Second, I’m hoping it will help me unpack the last few years of my life while also helping me continue to heal. Third, perhaps most important, is to bring awareness to the Kundalini Awakening process as well as chronic mystery illness and the link that can occur between the two. Where I've been has led me to where I'm at, so, please bare with me as I catch you up. I think it’ll be worth it. I’ve decided to break this up into two posts since it could be a lot to process for both me and the reader. So, here we go.
Honestly, I don’t know who I am. As long as I’m incarnated on Spaceship Earth, I will constantly be unraveling that which is Melina. We are these ever evolving, infinite beings that are really quite magical when it comes down to it. I do know that I am not the same person I was 2 ½ years ago. Here are some things I am pretty certain about myself at this point though: I’m highly sensitive :: I’m spiritually connected to All that is :: I’m a visionary :: I’m freedom oriented :: I’m big hearted :: I have the gift of clear seeing :: I’m a healer :: I am vigilant about self care :: I see “mistakes” as opportunity :: I’m exceptionally honest and moral :: I am empowered and wield the strength of a warrior :: I have incredible gratitude for my existence in this realm.
I now know that I have the ability to change worlds and manifest awesomeness. I haven’t always believed this. It wasn’t until a profound, permanent life-altering event two and half years ago in the Brazilian Amazon - a spontaneous Kundalini awakening courtesy of Mother Ayahuasca. Prior to this, I had so much anger and pain inside. I was self sabotaging and didn’t know how to heal lifetimes of wounds. I didn’t know how to let my true nature lead me. But all of that started to change that fateful night my Kundalini was activated. For those of you unaware, once this energy is activated, it is permanent. There is no shutting it down if it starts to overwhelm or consume you.
I’ve always been strong and quite different from those around me - but there didn’t seem to be anything too particularly noteworthy about my early life. Growing up, I tended to feel like an outsider. I had friends, but wasn’t a part of a clique - I couldn’t be easily labeled. Perhaps having a father who also didn’t seem to fit any molds contributed to this. My father is from a Greek island called Chios. He left at the age of 15. He, too, has never really quite felt like he fit in anywhere. I think this outsider energy and his tendency to question some of the typical narrative caused me to also inquire from an early age as I noticed a lot of society’s idiosyncrasies. I sensed that something was off with the world. My exceptional sensitivity was consistently pointed out to me as if it was a handicap. Though my sweet mother tried reassuring me, I believed my sensitivity was actually a weakness until more recently. I now know what a wonderful gift it actually is.
I was a cutie!
When I was a teen, I was pretty obsessed with Rage Against the Machine. At the time, I thought they were sticking it to the man. Of course, later, I realized that they really weren't so anti-establishment after all. I did maintain the idea that something was definitely amiss in our society. I remember driving down the 8 lane Atlanta interstate and seeing us all being herded like cattle as we stayed in our neat little lanes and headed in the same direction. I began to see the constructs of man more clearly and how so much of what I believed was fed to me. I started to dig in a little and watched some docs like first Zeitgeist documentary and What the Bleep Do We Really Know. I knew something was up, but it was far too startling and scary and I had no support to attempt to dive in further. It was too much for me to deal with, so I did what most do. I found a relationship to settle into and got married and drank my nights away. While this partner treated me relatively well, we were not a good match. I found myself craving spiritual exploration - something that a Christian turned devout Atheist was not interested in joining me in.
Age 15, next to my oldest brother wearing one of my several Rage Against the Machine shirts
Greek dancing with my father at my first wedding
After the dissolution of that marriage, I went a little nuts with the party life for a few years. I trashed my body [mind, and spirit]. I was searching for something more meaningful but kept misdirecting that energy towards that was more destructive than constructive. Foreign invaders came into my system from many angles - toxic food, heavy alcohol consumption and careless sexual encounters - as I did not truly value the sacredness of my body yet. After realizing that male attention and getting wasted was not going to fill the void, I started seeking again.
My 29th birthday kegger dance party
I was led to Buddhism and developed quite a committed practice. I meditated daily, often twice a day. I went to sit with the local Dharma Punx twice a week. I had a monastic Theravadan nun as my teacher. I went on retreats, including a 10 day in Joshua Tree with Jack Kornfield. I attended facilitator training to start leading meditation groups and give talks. And I managed a 5 day retreat while also attending it. The Buddhist path led me to quit my “successful” Graphic Design career; it didn’t seem to align with right livelihood, nor did it feel fulfilling.
Group photo of the retreat I managed
Within a month of quitting my job, I went to India. I visited Delhi, Agra, Varanassi and Bodhgaya, where Siddhartha Gautama reached enlightenment. I learned so much on a soul level that cannot be expressed through words. A lot of turbulent, dark moments led me to more questioning as well as some inherent understanding about our essence as humans. My Buddhist practice and that trip to India certainly changed my life and allowed me to meet some of my closest friends. It put me on the path to self discovery like nothing else had. It was a true blessing, but ended up not being my path.
Bodghaya, India. At the Bodhi Tree at the Mahabodhi Temple - where Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha) is said to have awakened
I began to have strange mystical experiences more and more after I returned from India. Native spirits appeared to me while meditating in my apartment in downtown Denver. I’d find evidence of me sleepwalking (which never happened prior). I also came home to several cat statues knocked over, rolled across the floor - the same day I sat at the sacred Garden of the Gods and asked the Great Spirit for a sign while having felines in mind. When I later spoke with my building manager who lived on site, he told me he often had experiences with the spirits on the land and that other tenants had as well. Synchronicities and connections to nature and Spirit with feelings of bliss and serenity followed.
Within the next year, I started working at a natural foods store and contributing to a local CSA (community supported agriculture) organization. I had no idea how much I loved digging in the dirt - being so connected to Mama Earth and our food. I didn’t know exactly where life was leading me, but I did start to sense that I was meant to help others somehow. I even attempted a job at the airport helping transport disabled folks from the terminal to the gate. Turns out working at the airport isn’t such a great idea for an empath like myself. It only lasted a couple weeks.
Harvesting lettuce for the CSA
Around this time, I met my current Beloved, exceptional husband, Chuck. It was four years ago this month! Our story has been filled with synchronicities and magic from the beginning. We explored various philosophical and spiritual ideas and theories together. We were both ripe for a change and we found it both outside and within ourselves. But, not without a lot of pain and arguments. Our relationship has been a means to healing and awakening on all levels.
Two months after meeting Chuck, I moved in with him!
One of the first areas Chuck and I got into together was the lectures and podcasts of Mark Passio. So much invaluable info was discovered through Passio’s work. It certainly led me deep into the abyss of the rabbit hole. It got pretty dark and gloomy there for a while. But, one of the several brighter take aways I had from Passio was that Anarchy is the natural way of things, that humans are inherently free and that any sort of government is a means of control. Prior to Passio, I was a devout liberal, marching in the streets during Occupy and getting angry with anarchists that tried to “coop” the movement. Through Passio's work, I realized that Anarchy was in fact NOT chaos, but true human freedom - and ultimately, Love. Passio also spoke about Ancient Hermeticism which really intrigued both Chuck and I. We both found much Truth in this esoteric philosophy. Little did we know, we’d end up at Passio’s home in Philly prior to the 2nd Free Your Mind Conference in 2015.
A flyer I designed for Occupy Denver
Chuck and I with Passio in 2015 at the Free Your Mind Conference
A few months later, The 7 Hermetic Principles were the primary focus of our Sacred Union vows. We had a beautiful intimate ceremony in our backyard that was officiated by a good friend I’d met a few years before at one of the Buddhist retreats. Our ceremony was filled with ritual and rites of passage that ended up being quite potent in the years to come. We started the ceremony having everyone stand and honor all 7 directions (North, South, East, West, Above, Below, Within). As Chuck and I honored each other, I also honored his three daughters and accepted them as my own. Stepmotherhood is a whole other challenge I’ll write about later. But, it was important for me to include them in the day as we built our family. We concluded the ceremony by placing the center rock of a medicine wheel that our guests help build as they arrived. The center rock represents creation, and Chuck and I have certainly been a team of co-creators manifesting the life we dreamed of. And we’re just getting started!.
Our guests and us welcoming the energies of the West. the direction of the Magician or Alchemist archetype inside us all. The West is infused with the energies of introspection and meditation - going within to find the gifts of healing.
Chuck and I placing the center stone of the Medicine Wheel
Me offering vows to Chuck's daughters before placing chakra necklaces around each of them (crown, heart, solar plexus).
Our wedding rings: Crown Chakra in the middle (mind), Heart Chakra on side (heart), Solar Plexus Chakra on other side (guts)
A month later, Chuck and I decided to book a trip to Brazil as our unofficial honeymoon. We really had no plans or expectations for this trip, though I did sense something life-changing would happen. I just wanted to go somewhere a bit exotic and tropical. Alter do Chao in the Brazilian Amazon fit the bill. We knew we might run into an opportunity to take part in an Ayahuasca ceremony, but it was by no means a conscious intention. I wasn’t even sure I was ready for something so intense and mysterious. I had never been under the influence of anything besides alcohol and cannabis. And I didn’t even like how cannabis made me feel. But, this was different and I knew that. I knew it was an opportunity to grow and heal in a whole new way. Before our trip, I ended up coming across The Ayahuasca Test Pilots Handbook while at a bookstore with my stepgirls. I grabbed it thinking, just in case I decide I’m seriously interested while we’re in Brazil. Once we were in Brazil, the opportunity presented itself.
We were told that Maurice, an Irish local, facilitated Kambo ceremonies. I was interested in Kambo as I hoped it would help my Hashimotos (what most consider to be an autoimmune condition - I do not believe autoimmunity exists in anyone but more on this at at later time). So Kambo is an Amazonian medicine that comes from frogs. We were told Maurice lived just outside of town at a place called Terramor. Once we arrived, we were intrigued. Everything was outside in nature, even the kitchen. All of it sat under a lush green canopy that served as an interstate for the resident monkeys. We found Maurice as well as three visitors hanging out in the kitchen/shared living space. We connected immediately. It just felt good to be there. Maurice informed us that Terramor was actually an Ayahuasca retreat center. They even grew Caapi and Chacruna there - the two ingredients that make the tea. We also learned that they happened to be planning a ceremony right around my birthday in five days. Since we weren’t happy with our accomodations in town, we decided we’d switch and stay in the jungle at Terramor. I sensed that I was being called to Mother Ayahuasca. Though I ruminated on it for days, I decided I would in fact commune with her. My life and my person were never the same.
A view from the shared living space at Terramor
The unreal view from the top of the hill the ceremony was to be held
A sign at Terramor
In the second (and possibly third) segment, I will write about the Ayahuasca ceremony and the following couple years. There is no way to truly capture the absolute hell and paradoxical magic I experienced. But, honestly, I survived something I believe most people would not. I trust what I need to share will unfold naturally. I also trust that through me sharing in my experiences, some will fine solace and support. A Kundalini Awakening is not subtle and it is not to be taken lightly. It is fucking serious. For me, it manifested as spiritual crisis accompanied by debilitating chronic illness. It has been a journey of profound mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical healing. I have tremendous gratitude for the suffering I endured as it has led to so much more joy and ease in my life. The lessons I learned through this process are part of the gifts I have to offer others. It is my intention to have some of these insights come through in some of my blogs here on Steemit. I’ll be posting the second part within the next month or so. Thank you for reading thus far and blessings to you wherever you may be on your path here on Spaceship Earth.