Where to begin? My eating disorder journey could start way back at the beginning, at the early warning signs I ignored, but we will get there eventually. For now, let's start somewhere happy since that's where we end up. I'm 24 years old and an always-recovering anorexic. I have a small dog that I would do absolutely anything for and a husband who is my rock through everything (he's also a smartass, but he's MY smartass).
On my path to fuel and nourish my body I've hit a few bumps but we finally found a good pace and I've never felt better. In June of 2016 I admitted myself into an adult eating disorder recovery program where I was partially hospitalized for 4 weeks. I had been receiving counseling on and off for almost ten years already at that point but I knew my restricting was out of control. It had become impossible to hide it anymore and the jealous stares at my waif-like body started to turn to horror. (For the record, you do damage to your body LONG before this point, just because you don't look sick, doesn't mean you aren't sick) I was slowly sucking the life out of myself and could not stop myself. I was angry that I was being 'shipped away' six hours from home, but by the end I was angry about leaving the treatment center. I knew I would be returning to an area where the nutritionist, counseling center and doctors would all be in different towns. I would no longer have a team that works together to help me. I felt so alone and the pull to restrict my intake and start exercising again was overwhelming.
Back to the happiness, I have been home for a little over 1 year and 1 month now. I saw my nutritionist for all of our planned appointments and although some days are harder than others, have been doing pretty well sticking to my meal plan. My counselor changed hours so I never got a really official good bye but I feel like she helped me a lot and we ended on a good note as well. I still see my doctor monthly, and she has made sure that I stay near my target weight without me knowing my target or where I am in relation too it. Coming home and knowing I really had to work on this myself was my greatest challenge.
When I started to gain the weight back it was difficult to watch, but as I became bigger I realized I was no longer a little girl and starting to take on the shape of a woman. The shape I obsessed over as a teen and child, the way I always wanted my body to look was happening, but only because I was able to let go of the thinness. You can not have womanly curves and the flatness of a child. I was growing, and changing, but that is what the body is meant to do. I was the only one who could turn my eating disorder around, and I needed to be strong enough to reach out for the help available. Although I am only seeing my doctor currently I still set goals for myself to help grow in all areas of my life. I challenge myself with a new food every week currently and have been volunteering when possible. I will always be trying to better myself.
Talk to our doctor if you struggle with food in any capacity. Resources are available. Be a survivor. Choose Life.