When my sister Sylvia @ladygrey told me to start sharing my stories with on Steemit, I wasn't sure what the hell this platform was about, how it works, and a bit dubious about whether it would be a place where I would feel comfortable or welcome. But she's my younger sister and an exceptionally talented artist and has always been ahead of the curve on technology and where creative people gather. So I posted my first story titled "Eat, Pray, Laugh. Channeling My Inner K-Pop Star" about my year of solo travel around the world and got some really positive feedback and encouragement from the Steemit community. I feel encouraged to keep going. Sylvia also told me that I should've done an IntroduceYourself post, so here it goes.
A Korean American Immigrant
Mom and I immigrated to the United States when I was just five years old. She spent the next 35 years of my life reminding me of the incredible sacrifice she made leaving South Korea, as a thriving and successful business woman, which was rarer than a unicorn carrying a pot of gold in Korea in the 1970's. She did this so she could give me a shot at a "better life". That's no small burden to carry at the age of 5 and the weight didn't diminish as I got older, in fact, if anything, I felt the pressure to live up to the fullest version of the American Dream, both hers and mine.
Like many immigrant children, I lived in two worlds at the same time. One where I was desperately trying to acclimate to my new country, it's language and customs and also hold on to the traditions and values of my birthplace and ancestry. Truth be told, I probably focused much more on the former, watching as much American TV as possible (Smurfs, The Brady Bunch, Wonder Woman, Days of Our Lives, etc.) to learn the language but also because every time I watched TV, it felt like I was escaping to a better, more beautiful world.
It wasn't until I started to get older that the Korean in me started to really take hold and to be more dominant force in my personality. Duty to family, working really hard, and being successful. Much to mom's disappointment, I didn't become one of the two professional options preferred by Korean parents (doctor or lawyer) so I climbed the corporate ladder, which is really fun when you're a woman of color. More on that later.
And last but definitely not least, being Korean American means that I need to give my body a regular dosage of white rice, kimchee and spicy Korean food. This has been an interesting part of world travel and I've tried Korean food in places like Dublin, Rome, Ho Chi Minh, Auckland and Brisbane to name just a few. I remember when I was younger and on the rare occasions that my family actually took a trip somewhere (mom worked six days a week) usually for a few days, she would always have a sad face when we would eat at some random restaurant and say with a sigh "I wish I could eat rice". That used to drive me nuts! How could she not be enjoying this mediocre burrito at this chain restaurant like the rest of us?! And now, I find myself with the same sad face, sighing and wishing for a bowl of rice and kimchee.
A Sassy & Sarcastic Child Turned Media Executive
In addition to moving from Korea to the good ol' USA, I spent my childhood moving from state to state, city to city and being the new girl in school. We first lived in Springfield, Virginia where my entire Korean family (there were 16 or more of us) lived in my aunt's small house. Everyone worked at my aunt and uncle's dry cleaning factory where they spent 12-14 hour days sweating it out with industrial machines all designed to emit heat and steam. It was really hard work, but no one complained because we were here to live the American Dream.
At night when everyone was exhausted and relieved to relax in the crowded house, I would subject all of my aunts, uncles, cousins and my mom to a nightly song and dance performance. I don't know if it was because I was the youngest in the family and quite frankly, crazy adorable, or if they were just too tired to complain, but I recall everyone laughing and clapping along. At 5 years old, I established my role as the family's comedian and entertainer and the Force of Sassiness was strong with me.
Despite my love of entertaining my family, I am naturally an introvert who learned to adapt and succeed in the world as an extrovert. That doesn't mean that I'm shy and that's not really what defines introverts. It means that I'm most comfortable on my own and that even when I enjoy the company of other people, it takes A LOT of energy to do it. It's why my life as the new kid never really bothered me and despite the fact that I knew how to make friends using humor, I was always happy to be alone. That's why solo travel has been the most fulfilling and restorative experience.
But in my professional life, I'm full-on extroverted, driving my team and those around me really hard, but always pushing myself hardest. I spent the majority of my career working for a media company where I began as a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, eager-to-please woman in my mid twenties. I worked in a big start-up and it was where I made some of the greatest friends and mentors of my life. We all worked crazy hours, weekends, on holidays and we didn't care because we were building something together and that felt so exciting and special. I was a rising star in the company and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to contribute to our mission.
Then in 2008 we merged with our competitor and everything changed. Most of my friends and colleagues left and I stayed on with a major case of survivor's guilt and feeling like I was sleeping with the enemy. I was the only female executive and person of color in the senior staff content team of the combined company. I felt like an unwelcome stranger in a home that I spent almost a decade of my life building. But I stuck with it. I stuck with it because the economy was shit and because in addition to being sassy and sarcastic, I'm also stubborn as hell. I wanted to show my new colleagues that I am better, faster, smarter and work harder than any of them. And despite all of the heartbreaking changes that were happening, I still cared about the company. I also had a phenomenal team of young, ambitious, creative and hardworking people working for me, as well as some incredible hosts and I felt protective of all of them.
Leaving the Big Job
So after 15 years of blood, sweat, tears, financial stability, a "sexy fun" job where I hang out with celebrities and hard won respect by the new management, why would I leave? In my first post Eat, Pray, Laugh, I talked about my revelation in Africa when I knew I needed to take a break and see the world before it was too late. But the truth is, there was not a singular moment that led to this decision. There were a series of moments that reinforced the voice in my head and the tug in my gut that said it was time to make a change. Here are just a few examples of those moments:
Death of loved ones. Nothing gives you clarity like losing someone you love. I've lost a lot of people. I've cried a lot, but beyond the grief, there is also a celebration of their lives and realization of how finite time really is. I did not want to look back at my life and think that all I did was work.
My body was sounding high alert alarms. I didn't take great care of myself physically. My weight fluctuated more than Elizabeth Taylor's, but more than my weight, I could feel the strain of stress in every part of my body. It got so bad that at one point while attending a contentious meeting at work, I started having these intense chest pains and went to the Emergency Room. Want to freak yourself out? Go to the ER and tell them you have chest pains. They throw you into a wheelchair and don't even ask you for insurance information. That's how seriously they take that stuff. And their seriousness sent me into panic and I began sobbing and asking "am I going to die?" I didn't have a heart attack, I had a panic attack brought on by stress. Yup, my body was screaming "GET OUT!"
My mom retired. She is the hardest working person I have ever known. She worked tirelessly her entire life and for health and other reasons she retired at 65. She did not want to retire. She worked six days a week, 12 hours a day running her small dry cleaning business, but she didn't have much choice. And at first she was really excited to retire because she earned this break. But as she slowed down, the years of fatigue started to set in and she felt constantly exhausted. Seeing my hero, a woman so vibrant and so strong feeling so tired made me think that I did not want to wait to enjoy life when I'm 65 or 67. I want to enjoy it now.
So after a lot of consideration, overcoming the fear of doing something that was counter to everything I've ever done in my life and being defined by a successful career and making a six figure salary, I took steps to change my life. I began planning by saving money, taking care of personal and professional obligations that I knew I didn't want to leave open, I quit my job and I put my worldly possessions in storage.
Seeing the World & Seeking Joy
I left the US on July 5th for Iceland, the first stop of many to come without an agenda, without plans, without goals or expectations. I told myself this would be the year that has no rules and no responsibilities and the only thing I wanted was to seek experiences that would feed my joy. And on month 11 and my 28th country, I have felt so much joy. I feel grateful every single day, even when things go wrong, or when the grief of loss hits me while I'm alone in the middle of nowhere. I have seen places I never thought I would see. I've met incredible people. And in this time of political and global turmoil, traveling the world has reinforced my hope in humanity and the general goodness of people.
I've had so many unbelievable first-time experiences: hiked impossible mountain peaks in New Zealand, scuba dived The Great Barrier Reef, silently meditated in India, wandered lost and delusional in Spain with my best friends, surfed in Sri Lanka, road tripped with my family from Bosnia to Croatia, watched La Traviata in Rome, and the list goes on and on. The world is an absolutely incredible place and whenever people ask me what's my favorite, my answer is usually wherever I am because there is something to appreciate about each and every place. And so I keep moving forward in awe, gratitude, and full of joy.
