The only thing i didn't lose when gambling was the money. Everything else got lost in my addiction.
Hi Steemians! I'm sure many of you have read my success story explaining how i went from nothing to a very comfortable life. Well at least, that was the brigher part of it. Here's a story how i lost everything i've ever loved except the money itself.
Happy Birthday Steve! Let's go to the casino!
My 21st birthday (legal age in Belgium to enter a casino) got celebrated at the local casino with some of my best friends. We all agreed on spending 10€ each just to have some fun, and explore what it's all about. I remember how comfortable the enviroment was setup, how welcome we've felt us. Only kind and nice people surrounding us, playing the slots machines at stake 0.25€, making small 2-5€ profits, laughing, having a drink.
By the end of the night, most of us somehow made a x5 profit, in the range of 50€, including myself. I walked in with 10€ and got out with 50€ while having fun! Little did i realise that night's profit was the start of the biggest losses i've ever suffered in life.
Like any addiction, it starts with the fun side of things. I started going to the casino every evening, always playing safe, not more than 20€ in my pockets. I somehow managed to always at least double my input, day after day. Well, that is, until i started playing bigger stakes.
The perfect trap called 'beginners luck'. And so the circle begins
Stakes raised from 0.25€ on the slot machines to 2.50€. Hmmm... I've only had 4 spins for my 10€ input, no wonder i made no profits. Seriously? I've played not even for 3 minutes? Wait, i'll start playing with 100€ to have the same amount of spins, surely i'll win something?
Sometimes i did win, and due to playing higher stakes, so was my payout. I made 1, 2 times a week a nice +500€ payout always sort of less breaking even with my input.
As i kept making more losses, i've became more greedy to have profits. So this section repeats itself. Stakes went from 2.50€ up to a whopping 25€/spin on the slotmachines, my inputs went from 100€ up to 1000€ on a daily base.
By now, my profits no longer made me break even, but forced me to wager them in an attempt to brake even.
I've literally lost 2000€ in under 30 minutes playing at the slotmachines, several times a week. My life savings started to vaporize with every day passing by. The more frustrated i became, the more i would play to prove myself wrong.
And then, all the sudden, your bank account is 0,00...
Altough i've worked hard to have money on my bank, i've waisted it all in a timespan of approximately 4 months. Not once did i realised what this meant, the consequenses it would have, or the trouble i'd be in.
The only thing i kept thinking was i needed more money, by any means necessary. I would make a big profit, recovering all my losses in a single spin.
I started selling the things i owned, to go straight to the casino with the money. Of course, it never took me over an hour to be back outside with nothing in my hands, only more frustration in my mind. And just like above, this kept repeating itself until the point i've had nothing left except my clothes.
Now the worst part is that i've hidden this from my partner. I never had the courage to tell her about my raging addiction, about how i sold everything i've had, how i didn't pay the rent for some months now, how i couldn't buy food. So i started making excuses for never having money.
Eviction notice - My last attempt to get the jackpot.
Since i couldn't pay the rent (wouldn't is a better word) we got an eviction notice. Even something this serious, i didn't have the guts to face my problems and tell my partner. So i started faking that i wanted to move out to a new place, so she never had to discover any of this.
In a final blind attempt to recover all my losses, i've done something that can't be winded back and started my downfall that would take me years to recover, a thing that costed me more than just money.
I've stolen my partner's bank card and went to the casino, convinced i would win this time.
The only thing my partner had left, since she gave up on everything and everyone for me - even her family - got lost in under one hour.
When walking out the casino, it was the first time since i started gambling that i felt sick, stupid, blind, outraged by greed. I've betrayed the only women i've ever loved so far in my life. I've already lost it all, but this time i've lost something that couldn't be bought back.
I'm a coward. And then i got kicked in the face by reality.
I couldn't face her anymore. After a couple of days, she discovered that her account got emptied. I've denied all my problems and refused to take any responsability for them (that's an addiction thing, don't ask me why).
In my eyes, i didn't suffer from an addiction, i just had bad luck.
After some weeks she abandoned me, of course. I can't blame her for doing so. This is the point where i started to realise that some things in life can't be bought back. Even today, after over 10 years of no contact between us, she still struggles to trust my words. She still can't trust anyone but herself.
One cowardly, selfish move caused by me triggered a downfall for both of us.
I've listed myself on the no-access list to any casino after losing her, and swore never to gamble again in my whole further life.
I recovered from it financially, but lost everything emotionally.
Money is just money. If you work hard enough, it will come back again.
But the love of my life is gone forever. And no money is worth feeling loved.
Do you have an addiction?
My first advice is GET HELP before it goes out of control! Notify the people close to you so they can help and monitor you, instead of going underground.
Face your problems and take responsability for them. Don't be the fool i used to be.
Don't involve people you love! You'll never, ever recover from such losses.
I hope to have inspired some people recognizing the same problems. There is no shame in being a fool when you're young, only in minimalizing it and refusing help. No addict will admit he's an addict before he faces reality, and most likely, that point get's reached when things got out of control first.
This is the first time i'm talking about this in public, and even my relatives that are following me on Steemit are unaware this ever occured.