Is this thing on?
Hi there! I’m Vanessa:) Welcome to my introduction. Grab some popcorn and get comfy, because I tend to ramble.
(TL;DR: Mexican-American living in NYC, grew up in an anarchist-leaning household. Fell in love with an awesome anarchist and we are learning to survive the police state we live in. I’m on an amazing journey to a more conscious and spiritual life- join me!)
I’m Mexican-American, born and raised in good ole’ NYC. Growing up in Brooklyn was… interesting, to say the least. My parents both came to this country as teenagers, so my life has always been a mixture of two cultures. We spoke Spanish at home, English at school, and somewhere in the mix, I even learned a little bit of French. My mom has always been the more conservative one, my dad, the eternal rebel. They both came from a very small town in Mexico called Tecomatlan, which became the birthplace of a movement called Antorcha Campesina. So, I am no stranger to activism and philosophy. I went to public school, but was taught to question everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. There was no history lesson that wasn’t met with my dad’s “do you think that’s the REAL story?” The thing about Latin Americans is that corruption in those countries is very obvious, making it easier for us to identify it. We’ve also seen the effects of the US in those third world countries, so we know they never have our best interest in mind. We don’t believe in government as easily because we have seen what governments are capable of doing. You can say I grew up believing that “more government” is never a good solution.
In college, I studied Television and Radio Broadcasting, in hopes of one day becoming a radio producer. The real reason behind that dream was the fact that I knew so many Latin American immigrants worked in restaurants, factories, cleaning, etc, and most of them spent their days listening to the radio. I thought that if I could get on the radio, I could use that form of entertainment as a way to share information that most immigrants didn’t know. I did manage to work about 2 years as a radio personality and met so many great people. I was able to share information with my listeners, but unfortunately, always managed to find myself working for people who weren’t as committed, and eventually some of those shows either ended, or I left because of their lack of commitment.
I went on to work at various places, first as a waitress, and then as a customer service representative for a couple of different companies. Eventually, as fate would have it, an elementary school friend and I reconnected and I wound up working for her as a social media editor. Today, I continue doing social media work as a freelancer and I love the freedom it allows me!
On to matters of the heart
Growing up in a somewhat strict and overprotective household, I didn’t date much. So, when I finally met a guy who was into me and I felt I was truly in love, I got married. At 23.
I know, I know. What was I thinking? I wasn’t, honestly. He was 20! We had no idea what we were doing and jumped into marriage, shortly after celebrating our one year anniversary. Things were fun at first, but it was all very short-lived. A year and a half into our marriage, we decided to part ways. It simply wasn’t meant to be.
I went on to date after that, unavailable guy after unavailable guy. To the point where I began to think there was something truly wrong with me. I was unlovable. Or, at least, that was my belief at that point.
In 2009, I went to a Halloween party with a friend of mine. She was bragging about how awesome the Halloween parties at her job were, so I decided to join her. She was wrong. Terribly wrong. The place was empty and I was not about to pay $60 for a crappy night.
But she convinced me and I stayed. At some point in the night, some guy in a Captain America costume came over to me and handed me a DVD of “Loose Change” and said to me “Hey, did you know 9/11 was an inside job?” I looked at him and responded “Umm yeah?” I wish I could have captured the look on his face lol. It turns out my “question everything” dad and I had discussed these theories back on 9/11/01.
This was old news to me, but very shocking to Cap. We ended up hanging out that night and went on to date for a few weeks. Our dates were fun! Not only did we have good chemistry, but we had very similar views. He was shocked that he didn’t have to convince me about things he was discovering, since I already had a pretty open mind. And I was relieved to finally meet someone who was also interested in the issues of the world. But again, things were not meant to be. We had a miscommunication about what we each wanted from the relationship and …. I ghosted.
Fast forward to a couple of years later, and Captain America came back into my life. Only now, he had a son and he was a full blown activist and anarchist. While most might have run the other way, I decided to give it a try. In 2014, he moved in, with his son “X” staying with us a few nights a week. And, guys, it was HARD. During the time we had been apart, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and insulin resistance. I was battling depression, anxiety, and infertility.
I was trying everything possible to get my symptoms under control, all while adjusting to our new family. It wasn’t easy, and we faced some pretty rough patches. We ended up in couples therapy and worked through some of our major issues together, while creating new models for the type of relationship we wanted. It’s been hard, but after all of the major battles we’ve fought together, I believe we are an unstoppable force!
By the time we were living together, we weren’t as active in the activist community, but we did try to make it to events in our area as often as possible. There, I met some of his great friends like @dbroze, @sovereignBTC, @johnvibes, etc. Derrick was a huge influence in my life and introduced me to the works of Don Miguel Ruiz. This would lead me onto a path of enlightenment. I was always an empath, but that part of me always felt like a curse. “I feel too much,” I would think. I was constantly overwhelmed by people. I was always looking for ways to be alone. Little by little, I have been learning to balance it all out. The Toltec teachings were interesting to me, the fact that we make all of these agreements in order to conform to society, even if it makes us unhappy. My goal became to break all of those unnecessary agreement and live by the 4 most important agreements:
In March of 2017, @dannypanzella (aka Captain America) and I went to Mexico and decided to take a tour of the pyramids of Teotihuacan. It was one of the most magical experiences of my life! We took a hot air balloon ride and got a breathtaking view of the magnificent pyramids. Once we were over the Pyramid of the Moon, something even more magnificent happened: he proposed... with a Moonstone engagement ring! Most romantic guy, ever!
So here we are, engaged and in love. The trip to the pyramids set off a whole series of events which further pushed me into my journey. Upon returning from Mexico, we started reading and watching documentaries about Ayahuasca. Danny believed Ayahuasca could help me with my health issues and fertility. It seemed interesting, but I wasn’t quite yet sold on it. In April of last year, we attended a Free Your Mind Conference in Philly, and ran into a friend of Danny’s in the elevator.
Synchronicity
“You’re always so lost, Danny,” Carla said to him as we stood in the elevator trying to remember what floor of the hotel we were staying on. He was shocked, and it took him a moment to even recognize her. We invited her to come back to our room to catch up. She shared with us the story of her love’s passing. It broke my heart. I could tell from the way she expressed herself, how much she loved him. She also told us about her trip to Peru and her experience with Ayahuasca, and gave us a copy of the journal she published after her trip. She mentioned not knowing exactly why she was at the conference but that she had felt the need to be there. After reading her journal, I told her that I believed I was the reason she was there. Since then, we have bonded a lot. She’s opened my eyes to so many things. Without even knowing it, she’s taught me to be more confident in myself, to embrace my intuition, my empathic abilities, and to learn to live in the moment. The summer of 2017 was truly transformative. I learned self love and self care. I left my 9-5 job and became a freelancer. I learned to live my life with purpose and intention.
A few months ago, I received two packages in the mail. Both Carla, and another great friend of mine, had sent me books. One was Warrior Goddess Training, by HeatherAsh Amara, and the other was Anastasia, by Vladimir Megre. You guys, all of my worlds collided! Everything I had learned through activism, philosophy, Toltec Wisdom, spirituality… EVERYTHING came together.
Today, I am in one of the best places I have ever been in my life. I’ve learned that I AM worthy of love. That those who didn’t know how to love me back then, were simply struggling through their own issues with self love. I’ve learned to forgive them, and myself. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and the Universe works just as it should. Danny and I had to take that break back then so we could rediscover ourselves. In doing so, he helped bring a child into the world. That child was meant to be in my life, perhaps to help ease the pain of infertility, but mainly to motivate us to help create a better world for him. I don’t have everything that I WANT, but I know that I have everything that I NEED, in this moment. I am more appreciative of the Universe and all of its magnificence. I no longer see this as a hateful world, but rather a world filled with people who are hurting.
Sovereign in the City
As of this intro, Danny and I are working on our site, sovereigninthecity.com (@sovereigncity). I invite you to check it out and get to know us, as we pursue personal sovereignty in the big city. It’s no easy feat, but we are determined. Just as we can’t leave the city (we are co-parenting with X’s mom), we understand that not everyone has the means or ability to pick up and move to a farm. We hope some of our tips can help others to feel empowered, even if they are living in a concrete jungle, like we are.
In the meantime, I’ll also be here, sharing more updates on my personal journey in this magnificent life. I hope you’ll join me!
P.S. You can also find me on social:
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