It is no joke, time seems to be still and rapid change is in the mix. I am having feelings of gratitude and joy, but also the opposite. The recent year and a half has been "eventful". I had met a wonderful woman and her daughter. We were actually "high school sweethearts" so to say. She was so into me.. almost obsessed in a way. She would always look at me. While I drove, wherever I walked and whatever I was doing. Wow did we have some fun. She is still the most beautiful to me. Sadly tho, it was not permanent (a lesson being learned).
I think I am going through the "Dark Knight of the Soul" process. Up and down up and down emotion. As of now I am a Cook at a hotel in a small town in the country. Only 30 minutes out from the city. Buffalo, NY "the city of good neighbors". I can agree and disagree with that statement haha. Me, her and her daughter (who is currently 4yrs old) had moved out to the countryside to escape all the noise from the city and so we could see some stars in the sky for once. Her living situation was not good when we met again. She was living in filth really. And I was not having that. So I took her and the baby to the boonies and settled in. Was sparks and bliss in the beginning. I had never had a child in my life full time before so this was a very new experience. Nor have I ever lived with another person (besides family), let alone my girlfriend. I introduced her to some friends out here and it was fun. We all have relative interests so it really worked out for a while. I got into the New Age scene, practicing Guitar, beginning to learn about Crypto-Currencies and just having a blast.
During the relationship I had to learn about children. Living with a 3 year old was definitely HIGH FUCKING OCTANE experience. The energy is endless, the noise never stops, you find things you cannot identify because of the gross state it is in and you lose sleep. On the brighter side of that you also learn patience, guidance and a lot about yourself. We did so much together. We hiked, we had friends to do things with, we played and we laughed. But over time it went downhill. We were all very stressed out after a while and the "spark" began to dwindle. We are Soul mates in actuality and we know that from a general innerstanding of Astrology. Now I am a Taurus and she, an Aries. Anyone who is aware of what that means knows that is a upfront head to head relationship and a powerful one at that. And that is how it was. Heavy passion in the beginning and incredible sex and a bond of love so damn strong it still hurts inside. A reason why I am up at 4am and writing this. I had awoke in a slight depression. I had seen an article she wrote and the feelings came back. I thought I was over this but I guess not. But writing about it seems to be helping.
So I struggle with alcohol. I was sober over a year and sometime during the relationship I relapsed under stress. There are many factors in the relationship that led to the breakup. It takes two. And it seems fate would not have it yet. If at all. But we choose our own path right?. Is it faith? Or destiny? So it got sour and she took off. I went into a huge depression and now I am carrying my way through and gaining strength. I hope she is doing well. I am sure she is. Anyway after she left I went through the hardest experience I have ever had. And because of it, I seem to be more conscience and aware of myself. Learning more of "me". I work and practice guitar now. I have time to do so since the breakup. I intent on getting into Photography more. Need to get me a camera and get out there. And here on Steemit, Photography is BIG.
In closing, I have confidence and drive to do more. I am doing well with not drinking so much and I am joining the gym close by. Been a while since I have been in the gym. Now that will get your head right. Besides the gym I am also practicing a major diet change. I am stopping the meat eating. Eating meat seems gross to me lately and I am not sure why.
So this is my Re-Introduction. Thank you for those who read this. It is appreciated.