As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts I am an introvert. But the society around isn't really well versed in the idea of introverts. Being a man, I am required to be aggressive, confident, and strong. But since I have shown some signs of shyness in my character, I am doing a bad job at being one. Most of the people around me tendto confuse my quiet personality for shyness, low self esteem, nerdiness, fear or even sinister intent.
For a time, this view the society had of me separated me from other youth. I also lost many opportunities causing me to think of myself as cursed. Especially after some of the higher-ups in the companies I have worked for lacked reasons to fire me that they blamed it one the one thing everyone knew about me. If only you'd have socialized more with you co-workers, maybe you'd have had a better shot. Why so quiet? Why so meek? You want is to have pity on you every time. This cloud of mystery and silence that surrounds you is making us lose customers. I dont trust you quiet people. You never know what someone could be planning. It could only take the pinky finger for someone like you to murder me.
For the most part of my life I had thought that I had developed a don't-care attitude toward these kinds of comments. But now that I look at this keenly, it had affected me more than I knew. I now have very few friends, many of which I don't think I'll ever meet again. Most of my childhood I was lonely. I still remember the day my father died. I had no one to talk to. A couple of days later, I had to go to school, High School. Rephrase, a boys-only boarding high school. You'd think being surrounded with people I'd definitely get someone to talk to. I did. But they didn't want to listen. The story was too sad. I cried alone in bed some nights. So much for men being strong.
After a long time living in my own shell, now is when I see how all this discrimination has affected me. And now I truly don't care. Maybe it's another lie I'm telling myself, maybe I'm shutting myself out. But that's all I can say for now.