Notes from Under the Tatami Mats – My Adventures in Japan … (Part 1, with links to Notes 1~ 50)

During my final months there, I kept thinking ... “Wow! I’m in Japan. This is so cool.”  And that was after I had already spent 17 years in the country.

Indeed ... “Wow.”   

Below is an index to Part One of my “Notes from Under the Tatami Mats.”  
(It comprises the Intro and 50 individual posts, with separate links to each post.)
(For Part Two, see link at bottom of this post. )

Intro – Notes from Under the Tatami Mats (Introduction)      

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"Things I’d loved, laughed, and cried about ... pondered, wondered and marveled about ... feared and loathed during my wrong strange trip into the heart of crepuscular gloom in the Land of the Rising Sun."

1 – Top 3 Reasons for Staying in Japan  
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"An enticing blend of ancient traditions with ultramodern contraptions and amusements. ... And women. ... And money."

2 – Top 3 Stages that Expats Experience after Arriving in Japan  
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"An even-tempered love–hate elationship with the country."

3 – Top 3 Appropriate Nicknames for Japan  
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"We smiled ... and continued watching the floating world drift by."

4 – Top 5 Ridiculous Comments by Japanese about the Outside World  
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"Home of koala bears and kangaroos ... Canada?!?"

5 – Top 3 Ridiculous Questions by Friends Back Home  
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"Damn, this country is pretty screwed up."

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6 – Top 3 Exceedingly Overused Japanese Words  
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"She was cute enough, but she severely lacked any conversation skills."

7 – Top 5 Myths re Things Japanese  
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"It’s safe to say that Japan’s population does not comprise only pure Japanese.”

8 – Top 3 Weird Excuses for Japanese Behavior  
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"People who are normally quite gentle and polite engage in rude and vindictive behavior."

9 – Top 4 Disorienting Aspects of the Japanese Language  
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"Maybe” probably means “no,” but it might mean “yes."

10 – Top 3 Disorienting Aspects of Living in Japan  
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"Where the streets have no name."

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11 – Top 3 Worst Ways to Celebrate New Year’s  
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"Virtually snowbound and housebound, in a remote, nondescript town in the far north, with nothing to do but watch a boring marathon on TV."

12 – Top 3 Fields in Which the Japanese Have Achieved Perfection  
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"A chance to relax, cleanse, and invigorate yourself."

13 – Top 3 Fields in Which There is Room for Improvement  
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"The most shocking thing about the man with the bad dentures . . ."

14 – Top 4 Persistent Illusions about the 25-Year-Long Recession  
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"All the hot springs in Japan will freeze over before Japan changes its immigration policy."

15 – Top 5 Expropriated Islands that Should Be Returned to the Original Inhabitants  
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"The Japanese stole Hokkaido, subjugated Okinawa, and rented Hawaii, on a long-term basis."

16 – Top 4 Brilliantly Novel Uses of Concrete, Concrete, and More Concrete  
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"Hmm, maybe there's a connection between the ownership of the companies and the tons and tons of concrete."

17 – Top 3 Ineffective Anti-Terrorism Measures  
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"These exercises are typically pointless and futile … but they are de rigueur."

18 – Top 3 Dirty Politicians and Bureaucrats  
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"Japan ranks 20th in terms of corruption, just two places below the US (‘nuff said)."

19 – Top 11 Stars I’ve Been Told that I Look Like  
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"It was kinda nice to hear that I looked like a stunningly handsome movie star. But it was wrong."

20 – Bottom 8 Stars I’ve Been Told that I Look Like  
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"Even on a good day, this Steemer is definitely not as good-looking as any rock star."

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21 – Bottom 3 Japanese Cults  
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"Wreaking havoc by killing and spreading poison in peaceful neighborhoods."

22 – Top 3 Missing-in-Action  
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"He had to adhere to the Japanese Imperial Army code of never surrendering."

23 – Top 3 Kidnappings  
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"Those sickos seem more deranged than your typical psychopath in any other country."

24 – Top 3 Crimes against Humanity Suffered by the Japanese  
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"You can never know the horror unleashed at that moment ..."

25 – Top 4 Crimes against Humanity Inflicted by the Japanese  
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"Experiments in poison gas and germ warfare … human vivisection … rape, torture, mutilation, and slaughter. ... Not to mention obliteration of a fine, womanly character."

26 – Top 4 Reasons for Japanese to Commit Suicide  
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"Bullying by adults is loathsome. ... Organized and well-orchestrated bullying by adults in an office environment is loathsome and reprehensible."

27 – Top 3 Ways to Commit Suicide  
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"In no other nation was ritual disembowelment practiced.”"

28 – Top 3 Reasons that Japanese Employees Are Never Fired  
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"The unwanted employee was given a not-so-subtle hint that it was time to leave. ... Now. ... Go!"

29 – Top 3 Excuses by Japanese Employers When They Ignore Contractual Obligations to Foreign Employees  
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"Japanese rules are made to be bent. ... Until you snap."

30 – Top 8 Reactions of Japanese Scumballs When Caught Red-Handed Doing Something Stupid, Repulsive Or Illegal  
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"Psychopaths who are perverse enough to engage in such despicable behavior."

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31 – Top 4 Insane Japanese Criminals  
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"If only those crimes did not have such a terrible impact on the victims and on the families and friends of the victims."

32 – Top 3 Ways that Overworked Single Ladies Spend Their Days Off  
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"The humor about the overwork simply wore off, and it just became sad and pitiful."

33 – Top 3 Oddly Memorable Dates  
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While we were dining, she interrupted the conversation to ask me, “By the way, what’s your name?"

34 – Top 2 Expressions of Love on Greeting Cards Received from Women  
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"You'll have to accept me as I am – still miserable, and still very much alive."

35 – Top 4 Bedtime Companions  
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"Rub-rub” means “reciprocal love.” Or maybe "reciprocal rubbing."

36 – Top 3 Reasons for Japanese Women to Consort with a Foreigner  
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"I was pleased to do my part to promote inter-cultural awareness."

37 – Top 4 Reasons Young Japanese Women Have for Going Abroad  
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"Young Japanese women would spend armfuls of money on clothes, souvenirs, gifts, more clothes, more souvenirs, and more gifts. And more clothes."

38 – Top 2–3 Dozen Most Insane, Obsessive Women  
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"The ratio of weird women to wonderful women never varies much."

39 – Top 3 Cycle Accidents, Experienced by Me  
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"I survived my Japan adventure. Albeit not intact, and albeit permanently scarred."

40 – Top 4 Cycle Accidents, Experienced by Friends  
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"These accidents provided me and my friends with plenty of amusement."

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41 – Top 7 Japanese Novels  
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"Murakami’s novels will have a staying power similar to that of the greatest Beatles albums."

42 – Top 6 Novels by Westerners about Japan or Japanese Characters  
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"For those who have an interest in Japan, all of these books are relevant, fascinating, and thought-provoking."

43 – Top 4 Foreign Writers Writing about Japanese Society or Culture  
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"From the idiosyncrasies of the culture, to the banal shenanigans of the bike gangs who feebly 'terrorize' quiet neighborhoods."

44 – Top 3 Books on Japanese Government and Bureaucracy  
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"Chilling revelations about what happens in the halls of power. ... Not for the faint of heart."

45 – Top Book about Japanese Cooperatives  
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"The poor people of Hokkaido’s fishing villages in post-war Japan struggled to free themselves from the clutches of the usurious money lenders."

46 – Top 8 Possible Titles for a Great Novel about Life in Japan  
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"Ai, ai, ai! That’s a Strange Kinda Love. (or) How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bimbos."

47 – Bottom 2 Worst Foreign Columnists in The Japan Times  
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"Shameless and pointless name-dropping.” ... "Atrocious juvenile tripe."

48 – Top 3 Foreign Columnists in The Japan Times  
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"An ideal balance – mature, but with a fine sense of the absurd."

49 – Top 5 Very Effective Marketing Campaigns  
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"The choco-capitalists started by selling marshmallows to be handed out on March 14, but it proved to be a supremely ludicrous marketing strategy."

50 – Top 4 Phrases Translated into English that Needed a Bit of Editing  
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"Summer is here, and we are looking for a place to stick it in."

          Notes from Under the Tatami Mats – "Part Two – Notes 51~87"  

_{Images sourced from Google Images, unless otherwise indicated or unless my own.}