The gift was presented to me by an angel who popped into my life at a restaurant in Srithanu here on the island of Koh Phangan, Thailand. I was sitting at a vegan café with a friend waiting for my meal. She sat down and I could feel her energy grasping for conversation with us. Before I knew it was blasted into another dimension within time and space and a portal had opened. She began to speak to us about Kambo.
She had just gotten back from a Kambo ceremony when I met her. She talked of the frog medicine as something powerful, awakening, and transformative. I could tell by her energy that she felt fresh and renewed. She had a glow to her like she had just died and been reborn again. Her energy was light and she was filled with smiles and positive vibrations. An energy exchange of conversation and curiositywas created and one thing lead to the next. Before I knew it was linked to a shaman who would transform and change my life and reality forever.
Kambo is a sacred Amazonia medicine. It is has been used by the indigenous people of the Amazon for many generations. The ceremonies are quite ancient. This medicine is a gift from a species of frogs blessed to us on this planet. This powerful medicine detoxes the body bringing it back to a state of homeostasis. It also balances the hormonal systems in both men and women. It has a very strong effectiveness in working with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, depression, migraines, blood circulation issues, cancer, fertility issues, AIDS and Hepatitis. The indigenous people used it to help with malaria and help hunters have less potency in smell so they could be more effective in their skills. This is a medicine that has been used because it not only removes so many toxins on physical, mental, and emotional levels but also brings much clarity to one's life.
When I arrived to meet up with the group of people I would be connecting with during this life changing Kambo experience, I was feeling very nervous. I was not sure what to expect, even though I had done as much research as I could the night before to try and mentally prepare myself. However, I knew in my heart and soul that this opportunity had found me for a reason and it was time to embark on a journey through the darkness to find the light.
We all jumped on our motorbikes and followed one another into the unknown. We traveled down cement roads along the ocean to find ourselves making a left turn onto a dirt road path that challenged my motorbike skills in alignment with the challenges that were to come on Kambo. I hit bumps, holes, and grooves. At one point my motorbike got stuck and a friendly Japanese guy, that was also going to be journeying, stopped and helped me. The nervousness still didn't subside but I was focusing as much as I could on staying present in the moment.
When we arrived at the house that would open up new portals of healing and understanding there were 4 pillows on one side and 4 pillows on the other. We all sat down across from one another and I could feel the shared nervousness we all possessed in those moments.
Rakendra, our shaman and guide for the day, began to discuss in as much detail in words as he could what the experience may be like for us. He let us know that our nervousness was normal and it was okay to have bouts of anxiety or fear. This allowed me to feel a bit more at ease with the energies I was forced to sit in at this time. He talked about the importance of letting go and surrendering to the powerful frog teacher. Arrogance with the medicine would only lead to a more difficult time under it's power. If we wanted freedom from our pains and toxins to be removed from our temples it was important that we freed ourselves with our intentions of release. Letting go we would find freedom and peace.
Before we started the ceremony Rakendra pulled me aside and talked with me about my history with bulimia. This was important because I was going to be purging and at certain points during my experience I would need to put my fingers down my throat and help the purging continue. I explained that I had been fully recovered and healed for over 3 years now. He told me that at a point during the ceremony they may need to pull my bucket away from me, tell me not to purge, and tell me to sit with my emotions. He said this would be different than the rest of the group but if he felt this needed to happen that I should some what expect it and to not be angry by it.
We were instructed to eat nothing 8 hours before and to bring 3 liters of water with us to the ceremony. I drank a liter and a half of water as quickly as I could feeling the fluids expand my stomach. I was ready for anything. I was the second person to be blessed with the medicine. There were 8 of us in total ready and nervous for whatever was to come; and also come out of us. I sat down at the bench up front to receive the medicine. Three dots were burned into my skin on my left upper arm. I was expecting it to be quite painful but my nerves covered that pain with thoughts. I was trying to determine where I was about to go. The medicine was then applied on one of the dots over my first burn. I was then instructed to sit back down on my pillow cushion. I was left to look at my bucket across from me, hold a cup of water in my hand, and sit in the curiosity of what was about to come next.
Within minutes my body began to feel hot and heavy. My head was spinning and feelings of misery were sprung upon me by the ancient frog. My shaman asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was feeling very lightheaded and as if I may pass out. He asked me if I had a history of low blood pressure and I told him no. He instructed me to breath deeply into my stomach. I very quickly then began to feel extreme sickness. I was beginning to lose my perception of this reality as I was sprung into another. The question again and again began to cross my mind instantly, "Why the fuck did I choose to do this?!" and "What the hell was I thinking?!" Rakendra, the shaman, came and applied more frog medicine onto my other two burns. The sensations increased.
Moments later it all began to come up. The moment it started I was wishing for it all to be over. There it was, and as all my darkest and most traumatizing emotions began to flood my whole being and consciousness I began to purge. Bright yellow water began to flow from my body. The color was my reminder. I used that color as my life force to help push me through. It reminded me of the Solar Plexus chakra where I guided myself with power and strength. I allowed myself to purge some more… and some more… and some more. My head continued to spin and the emotions of despair continued to surface. I cried out desperate for it all to end. I knew deep down the only way would be to continue and allow myself to further release what no longer served me.
Another shaman helping assist the ceremony came up to me and asked me how I was. Without words I looked at him and he knew. He explained to me that it was very important that I drink water. The more water that I drank the faster this process would go. It would soon be over but I must release. He instructed me to sit up and sit in the emotions. He told me to close my eyes and allow the frog medicine to show me what I needed to see.
There it was, sitting in front of me. It was the emotions of trauma and pain I have felt so deeply in my life. I felt everything all at once. As the childhood memories began to surface and my fear of being unprotected, humiliated, and abandoned were made apparent in my life again... I continued to cry out. I wanted help. I wanted guidance. I wanted release. It hurt. It hurt me so badly but I knew I had to sit with it. I had to feel it. It was time to recognize my pain and look it deep in it's energetic face. I cried out, "Why? Why? Why? … FUCK! Why?" A shaman came back to my side and asked me to drink more water again. I did not want to because I knew it would lead me to feel the pain again and again. I would feel it more.
It was the only way. I had to again and again drink down the elixir of life that would trigger emotion and bring up new bits of pain and heart ache. I did it anyway. I drank the fluid allowing it to fill my body; my temple. I forced it down each gulp bringing up bits of pain, sickness, and uneasiness. Rakendra then instructed the other shaman there, that was helping hold space during the ceremony, to serve me rapé.
Rapé is another Amazonian medicine that has been used by indigenous people. It is a blend of pulverized plants which usually contains a strong tobacco. The medicine is distributed up the nose and has hallucinogenic type effects.
In the midst of my experience on Kambo I was served rapé and sprung into a deeper hole of misery. Everything was on fire. The sensations were intense. It filled me up with burning sensations much like when you eat something spicy and it was all located in my head and sinuses. I was then plummeted into memories from when I was a child.
My parents use to feed us cayenne pepper if we lied or they felt we were not telling the truth. I have this memory of being force fed it and refusing as a young girl. I was covering my head and pleading for it to stop. That I was sorry and would do anything to not have to deal with the horror of it. Without second thought though my pleading did not stop what was to come next. I was told to remove my arms from my mouth or else. I refused. A spoonful of cayenne was then blown into my face. The burning spread from my eyes, to my nose, to my mouth, and into my ears. My entire head was on fire and I was left there in misery to cry and ask why?
Rapé triggered this experience in my memory again and again. I was forced to look at the trauma that was placed there, feel it, and let it go. I began to cry out. I felt as if the frog and tobacco medicine had no plunged me into a state where I felt like a helpless little girl all over again. At this point during the ceremony I was so disassociated from anyone around me and had no recollection of what anyone thought or was seeing, I cried. I cried and I pleaded out desperate for answers. I allowed myself to feel the emotions that have been haunting me suppressed in my subconscious memory core for so many years. All I could hear within this reality was the shaman encouraging me on to continue to let it out and cry; and I did.
I cried and I purged as I cried and purged some more. Letting my bucket fill with yellow liquids of toxicity and trauma. I released and I allowed the frog medicine to let me let it go. And no matter how much it hurt I knew the moment I could release it into the bucket, that so willingly was set in front of me, I would be free of the burden and pain. I said again and again to myself and even out loud, "I can! I can! I can! I can! I release! I surrender! I am free!"
The shaman came back to me and instructed me to drink more water. With every last bit of energy that I could, I did. He then instructed me that there was only a little bit left to go and to let it out even if I had to use my fingers. The moment he said fingers I knew it was going to trigger more memories within me that I needed to face. I stuck my fingers down my throat as I did from 13, 14, 15, all the way to 19. Bulimia was no longer my monster, now I was only faced with my deepest emotions of fear of self. I reconstructed my ideas of who I was in those moments and I forced 3 fingers down my throat and wiggled them around. Kambo was now helping free me from the restrictions of needing to have control.
I knew! In those moments I knew what my biggest challenge was. I for so long believed my way to freedom was to have control, but I was realizing I was wrong. In order to be free I needed to let go of the chains and restraints I had on life because I thought I needed control to find happiness. I knew then that I didn't. I let it all go…. So I purged some more. My bucket was never removed. The shamans must have understood my readiness to heal and let go. Karma was being released and forgiveness was being created.
I began to calm down as my consciousness was moving closer to this reality. I was met there by an angel who removed the frog medicine from my left arm and announced to me that I was finished. "Now, how do you feel? Do you feel sick anymore?" I told him no and he knew I was done as well. The freedom began to integrate into my entire being moment by moment as I fully became more consciously aware of what I had just been through and willingly chosen to embark on. My power struck me as courage and strength were burned to my skin like a badge, a scar, and a story of bravery. I was home.
I was then told I could leave the space if I wished to go lie down and process what all just happened. I walked to the nearest space nearby. I looked out to see two Thai children in the next house and yard over playing in the jungle. I was reminded of true innocence; where true freedom lied. I then watched butterflies dance and the leaves sing their sweet songs. I had let go. I felt present. The clarity was apparent.
I went back to watch the circle and help hold space for the others still in their Kambo dance. Some were struggling more than others and I watched as the shamans sang songs, played instruments, and encouraged release. It was time. I gently tapped the wood underneath my finger tips pretending to play drums as I swayed an encouraged healing wave melody to them all. I understood how hard of a place they were forced to face. I wanted to show my ways of compassion and inner strength silently as I sang to them again and again in my head, "You have got this. Let it go. All is well. You are not alone."
When everyone had complete we gathered again in a circle. We were gifted words of encouragement and direction. We each found clarity in the midst of challenge. They brought us fruit and we shared with bowls of gratitude and happiness. Relief spread across our faces. We ended our circle with warm hugs and blessings of luck and encouragement.
This is how Kambo has transformed my life forever. Today, the day after the ceremony, I feel light. The clarity of my mind has not left me and I feel loose in my body. My digestion has finally began to balance back out again. My heart is open and I feel more connected to each person I meet. I have noticed far less anxiety and way more excitement to connect with everyone around me. I feel free. I feel nourished by life. I feel acceptance. New directions have opened up and new portals of opportunity have announced themselves to me. My first Kambo experience has closed portals that no longer serve me and now opened up new ones that will lead me further in the direction of my mission and purpose here on earth. My heart path is now more clear. Thank you frog medicine. Thank you shamans. Thank you warrior burns. Thank you life.
