How do you express yourself? Do you go from silence to violence? Do you go from being mute to being a brute? Do you go from holding back to attack? If you do, you’re normal!
But unfortunately, being "normal" comes with a price. Whether it was the wrong word at the wrong time, an unintended insult, or a moment you kept silent and wished you hadn’t, I bet you have paid a price for your communication style. I bet some of the stories I’m about to tell you will trigger some not-so-delightful memories in your mind. I want to be sure that you understand the price of silence. We’ll start there. Then we’ll talk about the price of speaking ineffectively.
Silence is golden when it’s called for. Silence can be deadly when it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating.
Silence can cost you your promotion, your marriage, your health, your happiness—even your life.
There are four situations in which silence isn’t golden:
Silence isn’t golden when people need to know your
thoughts and opinions—even if they don’t want to
hear them.Silence isn’t golden when people need to know you
care.Silence isn’t golden when people need to be kept in
the loop.Silence isn’t golden when people are saying or doing something that affects you negatively. Silence Isn’t Golden When They Need to Know the Truth.
Where do the words you’re afraid to speak get stuck?
Do they get stuck in your heart without any attempt to voice them?
Do they make it up as far as your throat where you choke on them?
Do they get taken off your tongue by the cat?
Oh, you can hold back words that need to be spoken just like you can hold back a dog that wants to smell a hiker or a river in a rainstorm or my niece when there’s a sale on shoes. You can do it for a while, but it isn’t easy, and you wish you hadn’t in the end.
Sheila backed off at the first sign of resistance to her words from her boss. She wished she hadn’t in the end. Her boss was everything she respected in a manager and in a man—he was successful and rich. He even told her where he was going when he left the office. So Sheila had a habit of not questioning him. When he asked her to transfer funds, she expressed a tiny protest. She said, Aren’t you asking me to transfer partnership funds into a private venture? He responded, “Sheila, are you suggesting I am asking you to do something illegal? I wouldn’t do that! Now, please do what I am paying you to do.” So Sheila’s had gone over her mouth. She put herself on mute and did what she was instructed. One year later, Sheila was a co-defendant in a lawsuit. Sheila would have given anything to have spoken somethng like, I am not willing to make this transfer until it is clear to me that this is appropriate.
Janet, a nurse in a clinic also regretted her silence. One of the doctors was everything Janet did not like in a manager and in a man. He had arrogance. He had elitism. He even had a comb-over. When Janet mentioned what she thought was wrong with one patient, her doctor-boss said, “Janet, I have a great idea. Why don’t you be the nurse, and I’ll be the doctor.” Janet was stunned. Janet’s hand went over her mouth. She went on mute and decided not to offer any more suggestions. Two weeks later, a young man came into the office whom Janet suspected had meningitis. She kept her hand over her mouth and didn’t say a word. Two days after that, the young man passed away from undiagnosed meningitis. Being right did not soothe Janet’s pain. She relived the event many times, imagining that instead of cowering that she had risen up, spoken tall, and said, I understand you prefer not to hear my opinion. I feel compelled to offer it because I suspect he has meningitis.
How about you? Whose hand is over your mouth? Who keeps you from speaking? What price have you paid for your silence? Silence is golden when called for. Silence is deadly when it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating. I’m not. Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need to Know You Care Whether it’s your coworkers, your boss, your spouse, or your friends, you need to let them know what you appreciate about what they do. Hal Pitt’s book The Number One Secrets of Successful Managers says that 85 percent of employees report that they never hear about it when they do a great job. Management is overlooking one of the least expensive and powerful motivators—acknowledgment. Don’t you overlook acknowledgment as well. Stand up and say, The reason why I appreciate what you did so much
is . . .
Fill in the statement with the truth in your heart. Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need to Be Kept in the Loop
Update people on process even if you have no progress to report. Tell them, We had ice storms that put the city in gridlock for eight hours. The shippers were delayed by two days. They are far more likely to be understanding about why an order hasn’t arrived than if you say nothing because you have no progress to report. If your boss knows that you have made three attempts to get that visa approved and are currently waiting on a return phone call, she will not nag you about not having results. Silence Isn’t Golden When Someone’s Words or Deeds Affect You Negatively I often hear about employees having long empathic discussions with each other about a coworker who overdoes the perfume, while the offender remains in the dark. Someone needs to rise up and SpeakTall and say, I am sensitive to perfumes and I get overwhelmed by yours. It gives me headaches and makes my eyes water. Would you mind toning it down?
Thank you :)
credit: wikipedia, bbc, how to use powerphrases by M. Runion.