People always say everything happens for a reason ..... it’s all part of the bigger picture ... etc ..... but I don’t know .... maybe that’s true .... maybe I got married so that I could have the wonderful children I have now .... maybe my husband decided to be abusive and controlling.... Bc I was such a stubborn person and to teach me to get go of things .... maybe my second love came into the picture to try to teach me my worth .....and give me the motivation to leave my husband .... maybe my decision for a divorce was supposed to teach my husband to value people in his life ...... maybe my second love moved on to teach me not to wait too long .... maybe I got sick to learn to appreciate life ..... maybe I’m alone because that’s what was meant to be for me .... I dunno .... is that what’s meant by everything happens for a reason..... all these horrible things .... to one person .... I guess I needed to learn a lot of lessons the hard way ... why couldn’t it be that when I married my husband he stayed good to me ... so I can continue to experience that love and that love to teach me to let go of things ....if my husband hadn’t preyed on my weaknesses..... My self worth would have been in tact .... maybe I wouldn’t have spent years pushing away my second love and convincing him all my issues were not worth him coming to NY for me .... l don’t know .... am I happy ... yea I’m okay ..... I mean I’m somewhat healthy right now .... I have three amazing kids .... but I
Could have hands that without these lessons ..... other than that ... everything else was things that didn’t have to happen ... maybe it was different lessons I was supposed to learn ... maybe I was supposed to learn... maybe it’s what I said for many years ... relationships tend to be transactional ..... maybe I’ve been right ... maybe I should have shut everyone else out .... maybe I should have stuck it out with my husband ..... maybe I shouldn’t have turned a casual conversation every 3-6 months into my best friend and then what I thought was true love ..... maybe I was wrong for doing that... maybe I should have kept that friendship
A once in a while phone call.... I dunno . I don’t know why it was all supposed to mean ... or what was supposed to happen ... maybe it was a lesson not to take chances on the unknown.... I dunno .... at this point it is what it is .... we can’t change the past ... i think we are supposed learn from
Our actions and maybe our mistakes ... but when you are the one judging your own mistakes .... you are a little biased.... when you are looking for a reasons .... they are biased .....the future we plan and the future we get are two different things for some people...... but maybe things worked out better this way ..... everyone seems to be happier this way .... I hope it’s genuine happiness tho .... and how does one know that this path makes you happier than another path would .... we don’t .... we make our decisions ....and that makes up our minds ...... and leads to what happens.....we make choices that place is where we are ... I decided to marry my husband .... I decided to call my friend more often ..... maybe I didn’t decide to fall in love with him ... but I decided to let it get to that point .... I decided to continue calling when he wanted nothing to do with me .... I decided to keep a friendship with someone who was my best friend for years .... maybe it’s all bc I was naive ... or I didn’t want to believe what I knew all along .... I don’t know .... but the last few years have been pretty rough .... I hope that means the next few turn out great