a little bit longer than a year ago, i received one of the most amazing news and the best birthday gift in my life: i was gonna go from Venezuela to Mexico to see my favorite band. i couldn’t believe it.
after a lot of overthinking, i decided to go. bags packed, plane ticket bought, mind at bay. i arrive Mexico City just a couple weeks after the earthquake, with no expectations at all. turns out i fell in love with it.
anyhoo, i guess it didn’t matter the fact that i loved it, i was tied up.
depression, anxiety, not knowing who i was, what i wanted to do, feeling empty inside.
i lost my soul for a while. my heart was very weak.
but the day came. October 23rd, 2017. it was a Monday. the best Monday.
after listening to Paramore songs all day long, i found myself walking with my brother and my sister-in-law. riding the subway. seeing Paramore merch everywhere, listening to Paramore songs all around me, walking with people who appreciate the band as much as i do. my heart beating way too fast as i enter El Palacio de los Deportes. a girl sees our tickets and sends us with a man, so he could show us our seats.
i hear the crowd. i hear Pvris. i can’t believe i made it.
it’s time. the intro starts. the crowd goes wild. Paramore performs Hard Times and i can’t help but sing at the top of my lungs, feeling the lyrics as if they were marked on my skin. im so stunned by songs i never thought i’d listen to live and by songs i once heard live, although these are different versions.
after singing “i caught myself” with a lump in my throat, holding back my tears, it happened.
“there is not a single word…”
it was a rare and weird moment of peace. i close my eyes and listen to every single person in the crowd sing as one: “and i hate to see your heart break, i hate to see your eyes get darker as they close, but i’ve been there before”. i feel the humongous energy of the place, of the people, of the band. and just like that, i’m crying. so happy and so sad at the same time. felt like, for the first time, i was dedicating that song to myself. as i open my eyes, i see nothing but little lights all around me, reminding me i’m not alone. and then, all of them turn very hopeful and loving to me as we all sing the words “hold on to hope if you got it”.
i cried hard, but man, i danced even harder.
i sang and screamed. i felt everything i had bottled up inside. i was with my other family. my family of strangers.
something changed within me after that concert. a few months later, here i am. picking up pieces my soul that once were scattered on the floor. i feel full of love, full of life. couldn’t have done it without Paramore (and, of course, my friends). so, thank you.
official tour 2.5 poster