Talk to pretty much any one that has spent even the shortest amount of time in my direct company and they will tell you much sooner than later that I am a blatantly straight forward person, the kind that will swallow down the bitter taste that a hurtful truth leaves me with, in stead of sugar coating the truth with white lies and honey at the cost of dear emotions being shattered at a later stage when reality becomes apparent. Don't get me wrong, I am a very soft hearted person and not someone that would intentionally say hurtful things, I am merely a firm believer in direct honesty.
More than that, If you ever have the opportunity to speak to anyone that has taken the time to get t know me, it will very easily become apparent that I am the kind of person that says what I mean, and more so, mean what I say. You see I have always maintained to take pride in the fact that I have managed to stay a person that is true to my word. As my father use to say after all, your word is your honour. And in short a spade is after all a spade!
Another thing that I have also always been a firm believer of is that sexual intimacy is not solely bound to the mere acts of flesh, for me, it is something that runs so much deeper than that; mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. In my opinion if all of those aspects are not shared in a sense of unison, then you are greatly depriving yourself of a truly unique and amazing experience, that could so easily lead to escalating a unstable imbalance within oneself that can inevitably coax you on a path of self destruction.
With that said, upon going out in a social environment a few days back, I found myself for once; in stead of being my normal interacting socialite, rather a silent observer. Sitting quietly in the corner, I carefully and concisely studied the courting attempts of various singles in the vicinity. I could not help but notice that for the greater part, these courting procedures were blatantly restricted by the sole physical appeal and attraction, talking to some of these people the morning after it was eagerly admitted that beds were shared and flesh was pleasured and with no further adieu ways were just s easily parted.
Just to be clear on this, I am not for one moment denying my own desires as a woman, in fact I am a huge fan of sexual intimacy, however if I can not find it within myself to share all of me with another and fully embrace that person as a whole in stead of just exploring a tiny fraction of that person then I do not see why I should share my body with that person at all, it just seems like a child waiting patiently beside the Christmas tree to open his presents, then when the time comes that he is allowed to open his presents with all the pent up anticipation the gift is promptly taken from him and placed out of reach, and he is left only with the experience of feeling the gift wrap folding into the curves of his hands, whilst he was given absolutely no time to experience the true gift that was intended for him. Now as I leave you with that thought to marinate in, ask yourself if you would induce that same situation upon yourself had that child been you, then ask yourself if that gift could be considered the pleasantries of another person? Why would anyone want to share only the outside of that persons entire appeal instead of appreciating the gift that person has to offer, allowing them to enjoy a wholesome interaction in entirety of that person.
Now going back to the previously mentioned senses of a person being honourable to their word, I found myself wondering not only about the physical shared experiences between individuals but also about the diverse roads that leads individuals up to the point of committing to each other in marriage as well as the reasons that they choose do do so. Ever so often, and this is merely from my point of view and looking from the outside in; I often see that in such unities despite the unity being made in religious sanctum, that entails not only a promise to your future partner, but also to God; that these promises are quickly watered down leaving them as nothing more than pre-rehearsed, hollow words. The united couple from there on out easily neglect to maintain and honour their promises, instead they allow their bond to morph into a state; that can be weighed up to nothing more than a bartering agreement - where these individuals end up trading sex for stability, and stability for sex, this does not exactly supply the most constructive foundations for a married couple to fill their deep seated need for communal -, nor individual personal growth, that is eternally needed in order to maintain their needs to stay true to their union. Leaving it structure as an entirety dwindling by the mere threads of the empty promises that they initially based it upon. Thus making it all the more accessible to sever their all but divine bond.
All of this just made my reasons for sharing myself wholely when I do, and consciously choosing to refrain from commitment to a union that is based on the same basic definition of general prostitution to put it simply, inevitably clear to me. Should I ever decide to make a committed promise, to enter into a unity of marriage with someone, it will be a promise that will be based on my true intent as well as one that I will honour with all my heart and I can only pray; that the individual who allows me to commit to such an extent with them, will share the same sentiments to this moral integrity I hold.