It sounds counter intuitive, we think of communication as speaking, we equate it, but thinking of it in such simplistic terms tends to ignore the other half of the equation. We need to know the language we must speak to move forward. I’m not using the word language in a traditional sense here, I’m actually referring to the angle, the perspective and worldview of the person who is participating of the conversation with you.
What I’m trying to say is that by becoming better listeners we can attempt to find a common ground that we can use to establish a healthy conversation. You would be surprised to know how many disagreements come from semantics and not so much the substance of the discussion or debate.
This applies not only to the world of business, but of course the skill to be a better listener does provide you with an edge when making negotiations and establishing healthy relationships. I’ve talked before on how important it is for each one of us to grow our network, to develop relationships that can bring true value to our life. This idea goes hand in hand with becoming better listeners, better communicators.
If you’ve walked away from a conversation where only you have done all the talking, you might have done exactly the opposite of what is best. I’ve come to practice over the years this while working with some people I’ve mentored. I needed to know how they saw things, so that I could try to show them a different world view and sometimes we both walked away a little wiser.
That is the goal of a healthy conversation, even when it escalates into what we call debates. Respect is key of course, but an element of respect is learning to listen to the person making the opposing point to yours. This of course is one of those things that are easier said than done, our first instinct is to react, to defend, to correct and this is why I say this requires conscious practicing.
Interactions in groups can make things even more complicated. Picking the right time to add a comment, knowing when to do so, adding value to the conversation, being assertive and eliminating the fluff are things we all must attempt to get good at when developing our network and our relationships.
One of my focuses in life has been the practice of assertiveness. As a musician I often had short windows of opportunities to speak up, to share a thought with a radio host, to introduce myself to a personality and learning what to say, what not to say in those short minutes always made the biggest difference.
I believe the first step to becoming a better communicator is reflection. Asking ourselves some honest questions, without attempting to confuse ourselves. Do we listen, more than we talk? Do we attempt to understand the other person’s point? Are we being assertive with our points? Do I consciously look for a common ground to establish a conversation?
If any of these questions are things you have never thought of, today might be the perfect time to start thinking about them. After all, we all know how important it is to develop our network and without honing in our communication skills the task will remain like a dream and not something we are all equipped to accomplish.
Until next time, much success to all
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