I do not believe in my current body weight as my true body weight, because I feel plump with fluids in a bad way and it hurts my rib cage when I simply roll over on my side. I think that one of my ribs have fractured already but I do not want to take an X-ray exam for it because treating it will just be a long and expensive and painful process anyway.
This additional body fluid leaves me breathless and because of that it is now impossible to walk around because the pain in my back, feet, knees, and hip joint plus my breathlessness issue had compounded to pin me down and make my life really miserable.
Now the additional weight that my nurse had given me is now robbing me of my ability to eat more because if you just think about it, having a lot of fluids in the body will not make you feel like eating as it adds pressure in your body. So with that I am contemplating to eat only once per day because of my diminished physical capacity.
Unfortunately I could not fast because I have to take my medicines and my vitamins so it is a hard thing for me having to be subjected about this dilemma. Because if I would eat I will still feel ill because of my physical decreased capacity, it will leave me breathless.
But if I would fast then I will not be able to take my medicines which if I do within one meal will just make the medicines interact with each other and thus making me feel as well in the process. Right now I am feeling breathless already and it is a misery already not to mention the pain that I am feeling with my body too.
I just hope that these thins will end soon because it is too much to take for a body like mine that is just ridiculously battered and trodden with unimaginable health burdens that I am not sure why I kept on surviving. I needed more prayers.
I really have to be brave right now and think of some other ways to improve my health situation. I am not afraid to die, it is just the process of going to it just terrifies me to even think about it but I am in the doors of it already and sensing that I could never win this over because of some factors.
Too bad that I do not have much options in going to other dialysis centers because some are not accepting while others are not equipped and ready if not for from my place which is impractical to go to considering that I needed to go for my sessions twice or three times per week.
But of course I will just have to try to eat but not more than twice a day. With that twice a day meal consumption already makes me breathless at the day of my dialysis and now with an extra kilo of water in my system it would be like hell already if I would continue my daily routine when it comes to eating. So again when I am thinking when things would come to worse and then it does, so it is like adding insult to injury already, it is all too much.