I am lacking of sleep lately, usually I can sleep in hot afternoons like this, there isn't much of a cool air blowing so this afternoon although with quite a low humidity is just right for an afternoon sleep just like what I am doing in the last few years ever since my anemia got corrected on its own.
I haven't taken my Gabapentin as well hoping that it would improve my constipation. Well I am not constipated now but I can't sleep neither because I just use Gabapentin just to help me sleep, tolerate to cold and hot weathers, and to help me relax.
Some of my pains are also alleviated by gabapentin but I still have to use NSAID pain reliever just to help me move around especially if I needed to use the bathroom but lately either my NSAID pain reliever had lost its effectiveness or my body pain is just leveling-up against me.
Either which was the cause these forsaken body of mine just makes me mentally drained because of the fear and worries that makes me so sad about my future as a person with sandwiched health complications. I really do not fear death, it is just I fear what lies ahead before death which is the lingering pain.
I wished that I have more people that would support me, the problem is that I am not really a likeable person and guess what I am blaming it on my health condition. If you are living in pain almost 24/7 would it not show on your face? So people would look at me, at my face, especially now that I have an appearance problem so people just tends to get away from me as far as possible.
I am also counting on with my siblings but they have a family of their own already and of course they are already prioritizing on them too. I can never depend on my relatives as well because most of them basically just don't care enough and will just show up in my wake and that is so truer than the day of tomorrow.
But my family, relatives, or church have no obligation on me, it is just I am sad that I do not have enough to help me get out from these health issues that I am facing with severe pain involvement getting worse day by day as evidenced by my current condition. It is all hard to bear and I am the only one now trying to help myself. So I am thankful that at least I had found a community that is proving to be my last straw but unfortunately the bear market got us all, to me most particularly.