Not everything is "racism"
Far too often I see videos where black people, or gay people, or marginalized people, are accusing others of racism. While there are legitimate instances of racism there are also some instances which probably aren't true racism but which merely make others look racist. Looking racist and thinking as one are not the same thing. Just as an atheist can look like a thiest but actually still be an atheist. I state racism is a religion because it's based on beliefs, on pseudo-science, on faith, on stereotypes, on tradition.
See these videos for examples:
What do these videos mean? Well in my opinion some instances may in fact be based in racism but we cannot assume all instances are racism. Some instances may be a matter of preference. Who people choose to date, marry, befriend, are a matter of preference. What would determine if it's racism? It's about the belief in stereotypes and in race itself. If a person does not want to date certain races or outside of their race specifically to preserve their race then yes they are racist. If a person does believe in racial stereotypes and because of these stereotypes they refuse to date people of a certain race then yes they are racist.
What about racial slurs? Racial slurs are disrespectful and rude. In fact there is no justification for using racial slurs if the intention is to befriend a person or any person assigned to that race. But if a person is upset, drunk, on drugs, they may say things out of anger that they don't actually believe. We have to distinguish between people who say it out of "pissed off" and people who actually believe in and think in that way.
What is racism exactly?
Racism is the belief in the concept of race even when science shows otherwise. Racism is the belief in racism stereotypes. Racism is not being drunk and saying the N word or any other word. Racism is not about what a person says but it is about how a person thinks about other people. A person can never in their life say a racial slur and be extremely racist. A person can say racial slurs and be dedicated to anti-racism.
Distinguishing between the true racists vs the people who communicate like racists
- True racists may or may not use racial slurs. You can identify a true racist only if you know how they think of other people.
- A true racist believes in the racial stereotypes whether they be considered positive; (Asians are good at math), (blacks are good at sports) or negative. It is the belief in race itself and the belief in these stereotypes which makes someone racist.
- Following the data and the science does not make someone racist. If data for example shows that blacks in a certain community are prone to commit violent crime and someone cites this data as a reason not to want to live in that community then they aren't racist. The data supports their argument and they have a data driven processs for arriving at a logical conclusion. To be racist is to ignore the current data; ignore the results from science, and instead go with faith, stereotypes, belief.
- To choose to date or marry certain people of certain appearances or of a certain race does not necessarily mean racism. It is common that tall people have it easier in certain cultures than short people. It is common that people with lighter skin may have it easier in dating than people with darker skin in certain cultures. What we are dealing with here are beauty standards and while there may be some who specifically have the agenda to preserve racial purity or who are believers of race it is also possible for someone to not be racial and still find certain traits more beautiful than others.
Conclusion
It's not always obvious what is and isn't racism. Very often people will label others racist with minimal evidence or clues about how that person thinks and or makes decisions. In other cases there can be people who never once say a racial slur and who seem anti racist but who think and make decisions in ways which are totally racist.
An example being if a well meaning white person gives economic favoritism to a black person because they believe that the black person is poor. It's very possible that the black person could even have more money than they do but because of the racial stereotypes perhaps a well meaning white person can assume "black = poor" and treat them accordingly. Another example is if a black person is in college and their white friend assumes they are on some sort of sports scholarship. These are instances of true racism and the person who thinks this way is actually racist perhaps without even realizing it.
Beauty standards are influenced by cultural norms. Beauty standards differ between and within cultures. This could mean that tall pale white people do have the advantage in "attractiveness" in a certain culture, at a certain time period, in a certain location in society. This does not mean everywhere in the world has the same notion of what "attractiveness" is. Who people date, who people marry, who people find attractive, are all influenced by culture, by tradition, by the knowledge they have (or don't have) about themselves and the world. People who have traveled, experienced more people and cultures, may for example have a broader list of traits they find attractive over time.
At the same time just like some people are gay and some are straight it may be that some people just have preferences. If a person is straight it does not mean they are homophobic. If a person chooses to live the straight lifestyle and only data the opposite sex then it does not mean they hate homosexuals or fear homosexuals. If a person chooses to only date people of a certain type then it's their choice to make.