Thank you for taking time to share your experiences.
You cover some very important topics.
It seems you are suffering some guilty feelings about your own behaviour.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are, in your own words, a 'compassionate, loving man' so focus on this beautiful nature you have.
I wish you well @yzart!
RE: 'Names Can Never Hurt Me' is ONE GREAT BIG LIE!