Stop performing and start living. The paradox.
Choosing to live your life with more intention, care, and ownership leads to an unexpected paradox.
Because the more authentic you become, the more you slowly drift away from people you once felt deeply connected to. People you thought you were almost one with.
You begin to notice shifts in values, in mindset.
Then you start setting boundaries.
Then they push back, not out of malice, but because they’re used to an older version of you.
And then... you push back too.
Because once you’ve met your true self, it’s nearly impossible to keep pleasing others at your own expense.
Your old self might have backed down, might have reshaped the path just to avoid confusion, criticism, or the risk of hurting someone.
And here lies another paradox.
With every boundary you set, someone is likely to feel wounded.
Not by you, but by the change.
Not because you’ve done something wrong, but because they’ve grown used to a certain version of you.
Not because you’re out of line, but because they’re in a different chapter of life than you are now.
Change hurts on all sides.
Living more truthfully isn’t just hard for you.
It’s hard for those around you, too.
They have to adapt to your new identity, sometimes suddenly.
And let’s be real: we’re not machines doing regular software updates.
Some waves are soft.
Others are full-blown tsunamis.
You do need to be mindful of your emotional impact,
to not let the “flood” leave destruction behind.
But even so, the word “no” is deeply underestimated.
As much as it can protect your peace in the long run, it can cause a lot of friction in the moment.
I’ve started saying “no” with care, while also reassuring the other person that this isn’t about them.
It’s something I need to do for myself.
It Started with Ownership
That’s where this journey started: with ownership. And honesty.
Because I’ve seen adults promise things, offer support
then back away or blame the very storm they stirred.î
At the end of the day, we’re all just kids. Kids trapped in grown-up bodies.
These grown-up kids make more kids and pretend to have it all figured out.
But the truth? It takes a lifetime to actually grow up.
So I chose a different path.
One where I take responsibility.
That’s when I realized I hadn’t really been making decisions at all.
I could’ve reached sixty and suddenly realized I’d been living a life that wasn’t mine.
I am one of the lucky ones to find out sooner, with openness and compassion for my past, my present, and the people around me.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt deep anger or helplessness.
Or that I didn’t panic when I realized so many big life decisions had been made for the sake of others
without ever checking in with myself,
without truly owning them.
I discovered that freedom is being able to choose which compromises are worth it.
To know when to say yes.
And most importantly:
to say no when you mean it.
This journey of rediscovering the self feels like walking along a narrow trail above yawning abysses, wrapped in mist.
You just keep going, guided by a flickering little light.
You don’t know what’s waiting on the other side,
but whatever it is, I believe the wisdom and courage you’ve earned
will help you appreciate the view
and let go, with a free heart, of anything that no longer serves you.