A few days ago I came in from mowing, not your normal mowing, I'm talking farm mowing and that's hot and dirty. Anyways, I'm covered in dirt, grass and sweating from every pore and all I want to do is wash my hands and make a big glass of ice water. I turn on the water and immediately I am sprayed and now soaking wet from the chest to just below my crotch! One of my precious children had taped the sprayer handle down. Okay cool, I can take a joke...
Yesterday, my first day back to work after having the whole summer off. I am dragging, I mean seriously not digging this whole early rise thing. I grab my yetti cup and make myself some coffee, a little sugar and cream. I don't drink it black, that is for savages and psychopaths. Regardless, I don't drink it immediately and actually wait about an hour because my yetti cup keeps it so hot. I'm at work and I'm really looking forward to drinking this coffee. After determining that the temperature had met a safe level I bring the cup to my lips and shiver with anticipation. NO! HELL NO! It's salty, I mean extremely salty! I immediately retrace my coffee making steps and at no time did the coffee leave my custody. The sugar dispenser! One of my little angels must of filled it with salt. Hilarious!
Upon arriving home I dragged my sluggish body to the coffee pot and inspected the sugar, sure enough it was salt. Okay, they won't be getting me again with this joke. I get all the salt and sugar and put both on the very top shelf on the pantry. Done. Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
Today, I drag my self out of bed and get ready for work and eventually go to make my coffee. Silly children, steer clear because the big dawg is taking care of business. I pour my coffee, add my creamer and go fetch the sugar from the top shelf in the pantry and quickly return to add it to my cup. Off to work. Same sequence, wait the hourish, and get excited to drink my coffee. I go to take a sip and I am met with cold coffee and a thump against the lid. F#CK! I rip the lid off and fish my fingers into the coffee and drag out a blue ice pack. They got me! AGAIN! THEY WILL PAY!
Come lunch I am really needing some pep in my step and a blood sugar boost. I unzip my lunch bag and quickly see another kick to the nuts. I've got lunch but it is not what I anticipated. Mother @#$@#$#@$%%$%u(&*! I quickly start pulling everything out and it is can after can of mini vienna sausage's. Now, this food is in my pantry at home, it is not something I look forward to eating and is there simply in the event a large storm hitting or some other disaster and we are stuck at home for days or even weeks. At this point I am thinking seriously about my no belt rule. What's that? That's where I don't whip my kids with a belt. Yeah, I'm all new age and zen and just use my hand instead.
So, here I am, typing this up on Steemit, thinking about how I have failed as a parent and my children have turned against me. LOL. Oh, if they only knew how sadistic I am. Payback is coming children, oh yes, payback is coming.
