How Does Counselling Work?
Everyone has feelings and emotions that are usually triggered by life events. There isn’t a single person on this earth that hasn’t been affected by some sort of unpleasant event that has happened to them.
It may be a bereavement, a relationship split, a failed business, an unhappy childhood… the list is endless.
However, the person’s feelings and emotions about these events are totally subjective and they can often cause a false view of life that needs to be changed in order that the person can move forward and enjoy a happier life.
A non-judgemental friend can be a saviour if you want to talk your problems through and find solutions. However, a counsellor or psychotherapist is training to pick up on potential trigger points and link previous life experiences to what is happening now, in a person’s life.
By doing this the therapist can either play devils advocate or suggest a new way of looking at the problem.
HERE’S AN EXAMPLE.
A client come’s to a session and says that feel that their partner doesn’t understand them. This is a very broad statement and needs to be clarified. The Counsellor will ask them to give examples to illustrate why they feel that way. The client might say, “He just wants to sit and watch the television every night, but I want to go out sometimes.”
I asked her if she could go out with friends’ but she said “No, I want to go out with my husband.”
After further digging, I found out that it wasn’t just a case that she wanted to go out with him, but she wanted HIM to WANT to go out. This then lead on to the issues she had with his motivation levels in general. She felt that he had fallen into a rut and has no zest for live anymore.
We had finally got to the root of the issue. She felt that her husband had changed from the man she married and he was beginning to bore her.
EXPLORING OPTIONS
Once the root of a problem has been established, the counsellor can then begin to explore the options that the client has. Sometimes, it’s about changing the way the client looks at a problem and sometimes it’s offering practical solution for the client to decide on.
So, for this client we may explore communicating with her husband the very specific thoughts that she has now clarified. Before she came to therapy, she would just say to her husband “Do you want to go out tonight?” He would say no and then she would spend the entire evening in a mood but her husband didn’t know why. That situation would leave him confused and her frustrated.
We discussed all the things that she wanted to say to him and put it into a format that was none threatening but clear and specific.
This enabled her to be able to talk to her husband without having an argument. She knew what was on her mind now. Before therapy, she simply had it in her head that she wanted to go out some evenings so that she didn’t have to cook or to meet with mutual friends, listen to music or visit new places.
Therapy had shown her the real root of her frustrations and she felt more empowered to talk to her husband about it without confusing him.
FOLLOWING UP ON THE SESSION
When she had, had a chance to talk to her husband, she had found out that he was usually so tired in the evening that he just wanted to relax at home. However, he had suggested an alternative, which was to have a day at the weekend that was just ‘theirs’. He had complained that all she wanted to do at a weekend was to go shopping, which he didn’t enjoy. So, from now on, Saturdays would be ‘their day’. Visiting new places, having lunch out or visiting friends.
RESULT!
As a counsellor, I felt very privileged to have been a part of enabling a wife to talk to her husband and find a solution to their problem. If I hadn’t been involved, she may never have realised exactly what the problem was and this could have become a major flashpoint in their marriage. She may have even left him without ever being able to explore the problem and find the solution.