I am having some crazy insights into myself, which is sad, sobering and exciting all at the same time.
Basically I am realising how much and how often I have resisted personal change, which has slowed down my development and advancement in so many areas of my life. Where I am today is great, but if I had been more open to change, I would be a lot further along in the journey of life.
It's amazing how naturally we resist change, preferring to believe that we are ok, or convincing ourselves that we are so right, when we are very often so wrong. If we were so right, as often as we think we are, why do we seem to repeat the same mistakes over and over again? Every time I repeat a mistake, it means I have just gone around in the same old circle, doing, believing the same old things and eventually we crash into the same old issue - which is "ME".
The sooner I recognise and acknowledge that I am rarely completely right, therefore, I must be wrong, the sooner I can begin to adjust some stuff, so that hopefully I don't force history to repeat itself again.
The crazy thing about this for me, was that once I became a Christian, I threw myself into it. Always in church, if the door was open, I was there, buried myself into the bible, hours of worship and prayer, heaps of fasting, it was full on head long into Jesus and so many amazing things happened. Then 3 years of bible college, straight into ministry, preaching and teaching constantly. Just held nothing back, and yet so many areas within me resisted change. How strong is "self will"?
Clearly God was working, chipping away at this and that, but how slow was the process, but this is because there must have been parts of me that just were not getting with the program, I was happy being me. I had every excuse under the sun to help me stay the same in so many areas, even used bible verses.
It's sort of funny. I mean we do realise that "we are the issue", but at the same time we tend to defend who we are.
Nothing is wasted in the Kingdom, but I do think I could be and should be, much further along in the journey than I currently am. The good thing is this, I now know that I am at a serious turning point, which makes the future so exciting. I can't see where I am specifically going, but I am very aware that now, more than ever, I am on the way to somewhere really good.
I am 48 and feeling great about everything...! Life is truly amazing.