For a while now, I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut and only wanting to stay in bed, eat junk and kill my braincells by watching Youtube and Netflix.
In theory, I have a lot of interests and I like to take long walks with my camera, do handcrafts, read, take self portraits and do research about the things I want to learn more about, BUT I haven’t been feeling up to any of it. I just kill time and avoid life basically. On most days I don’t leave the house or dress up to anything more than the first pair of sweats that are laying next to my bed, and this coming from a person who loves clothing and fashion.
I know I feel a lot better if I even do one of the above things that usually brings joy to me, but it has been feeling increasingly hard to start anything, or if I do start, I’m still inside my head stressing about things and stuff. Yesterday was the first time in a month or so that I went to a photo walk in the nature, and the last time I took self portraits was over two weeks ago, I’m really slacking. I did finish a pair of mittens the day before yesterday but even that was a bit MEH.
The picture here is of me just leaving for my photo walk yesterday, the spark in my eyes felt fake but I did feel a bit better after I got into the nature. Not like omg life is amazing and I’m so glad to be alive, but just okay, this is alright.
I’m not gonna say I’m depressed because I think that is a serious condition which is soooo in style right now, everyone going to therapy like it’s a new hobby. I’m just in a bit of a rut and dealing with exsistential chrisis, no biggie.
I guess I should figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and then take some steps towards that, what ever it is. Isn’t this something one should worry about in their early 20’s, not late 20’s? Follow this blog to see if I ever figure out anything other than what colour to paint my nails each week. I have four choices at that, it’s pretty easy, I wish everything was as simple.