I remember very well when I got sick. Because I remember taking this picture.
It's 11 November 2014.
Dating Bianca made me nervous as hell. I never really dated before. I couldn't handle it very well.
When she was with me I was fine but when she was not all I could think about was her.
It gave me stress like you wouldn't believe.
It was nothing like playing World of Warcraft and talking with my friends.
I was becoming a nervous wreck and I could not snap out of it.
I lost the ability to enjoy anything.
I felt a constant pressure in my body. Day in day out for months.
(none of this was Bianca's fault, btw, it was me working myself up for no reason)
On top of that, I started to get sick.
I noticed that I had to go to the toilet more and more frequently. Small amounts like I was an old man.
I was already a mess. And now my 'equipment' was failing me too.
I never felt so miserable in my life.
Picture of me back then
I was diagnosed with acute prostatitis by a doctor and they gave me antibiotics. I would be better in a week.
It didn't help at all.
On the plus side, Bianca and I were getting closer.
On Christmas, she told me she had nowhere to go (her host family had gone away for Christmas and she was alone in their big house in Rotterdam).
I asked my family if Bianca could celebrate Christmas with us. They said yes.
I turned out to be a good decision by me because later Bianca told me that inviting her for Christmas showed her I was for real.
We went from dating to a relationship not long after.
I talked to her about the stress I was feeling and she said she had experience with this herself and that I needed to see someone.
I considered talking to someone to help you fix your mind an utter defeat so I refused at first.
4 weeks later I went anyway.
I went to see a lady at our local clinic. I liked her straight away. She was direct and to the point. (I was expecting it to be way more 'mystical' )
It only took 3 sessions to get rid of my problems. I can't believe it was that simple. I felt like an idiot for not going sooner.
The best way to describe what she did was to imagine that my mind was on a constant loop. And she pushed me out of it.
And low and behold over time. My frequent peeing problems started to disappear too.
I finally figured out what caused all of it. Stress. Just Stress. Caused by my own mind.
The whole experience made me appreciate mind doctors a lot more. And I will never fault anyone for seeing one.
It thought me a big lesson about the power of the mind and how it can control you. I also decided to never ever let anything like that happen again.
The whole experience changed me.
I became a lot more open about how I feel and I am way more clear about what I want and don't want.
Also, any sign of stress I fix straight away by figuring out what is causing it and doing something about it.
Being in control is great. But it does take work. It's not always as easy as it sounds.
Bianca and I had a fantastic year. But it was coming to an end. An au pair can only stay in the Netherlands for a year.
She used to cry when we talked about it.
We had to something and we did....
End of part 4.
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