Narcissism is not Self Love
Ever since the phrase "Love Yourself" has become common, there have been more and more people who have been confusing what this means with something entirely different: Narcissism. In fact, the two of these are so different, that they go their opposite ways to never meet each other ever again. Loving yourself is simply not the same as being a narcissist. Yet, a lot of people have this misgiving that they are both the same.
People hear the phrase "Love Yourself" and they immediately start thinking highly of themselves. Part of the reason behind that is the fact that most of the people don't know what love is. But, that's where I'm planning to help. We'll get to that part later on, but for now, let's see how people start being narcissists in the name of self-love. People confuse the fact that admiration, importance and love are separate things. Admiring yourself, and loving yourself is important, but that is not what love is about. That is merely a part of it.
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People tend to all sorts of things in the name of self-love. They become vain. They start ignoring their insecurities and their weaknesses. They turn a blind eye towards everything about them which they don't like. And finally, they build up an illusion of themselves as these perfect beings. They start living inside of a bubble of their own making. Anything that shakes their concept or view of themselves is treated as a threat. They slowly grow more and more insecure, hiding behind a mask of security when the insides are all broken and crumbling down. Yet, they choose to ignore it and affirm themselves and their ego time and again by even more of these unhealthy habits. They create a toxic person of their own making. It is a trap which they have built for themselves since they do not want to address their weaknesses, and instead, go on living with a sense of unhealthy importance for the self. That is not called self-love. This obsession with the self is vanity. This obsession with the self is Narcissism.
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This goes on to turn more and more parts of their lives into toxic wastelands which they seemingly thrive upon. Their reluctance to change and their strict hatred towards admitting their own flaws affect others much more than it affects them. Such people can never be effective members of a team, let alone a leader. Such people often turn their relationships toxic to the point of them being mentally hazardous to the other participants. Such people raise insecure children with low self-esteem. Such people devoid themselves of any chance of improvement or success, simply because in their eyes, they are already perfect and cannot be improved. Doing so would mean a hit to their sense of self-importance, and put things into perspectives which they don't want to see. Always on the defensive, always on the run, living in such a way is a very unhealthy approach to life. Both for the person, and all of those around him.
Love is Acceptance
Before you start loving yourself, you must understand what love is. Love isn't the romantic portrayal between two people as visualised by the movies and books. It's a simple feeling which simply exists. It is unchanging and infinite, and can never truly be extinguished. It exists within every single person. Love is the feeling of acceptance that every person possesses.
Do not get me wrong when I say that Love is Acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that you turn a blind eye to everything that is wrong with yourself. Acceptance lies in acknowledgement. Acceptance means that you understand who and what you are, and you embrace your flaws. You understand that you are lacking and imperfect, but don't hate yourself for it. You don't have negative emotions have yourself when you look into the mirror and you realise that you're overweight. Acceptance means that you don't hate yourself when you think about how you're not good at maths, or when you realise how socially inept you are. Acceptance means that you acknowledge whatever flaws you have, but you welcome them with a smile.
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Self-love starts when you stop hating yourself. You need to remove all negative thoughts about yourself no matter what they are. You start loving yourself when you become your own best friend. You must seek to step outside your comfort zone and grow, for no one who loves another would protect them from their own growth. You must realise all your limits, and work on overcoming them. That is what self-love means. Self-love means that you stop destroying yourself and you work towards being the best version of yourself that's possible simply because you care for yourself and you want to see yourself succeed in life and whatever else it is that you want to do.
Self-love isn't a one pill wonder to success and everything that is good in life. Self-love is what you should do, simply because no one else is going to love you the same way. Self-love is how you develop yourself as a human being and stop indulging in self-destructive habits and grow a strength of character. Self-love is how you lay out a plan for yourself and see yourself through all the way to the end because no one else is going to do it for you. It is not about staying where you are without a will to improve. It is about knowing what you are, and knowing what you want to be, and working towards it. It's your life. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. Stop being at war with yourself and realise that you are the truest friend that you will ever have.
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Self-Love and Others around You
The way you treat yourself largely determines the way you will treat others around you. No matter what you do, it always starts with you. If you lie and cheat, that means that you lack integrity. If you're full of hate, that means you're not at terms with who and what you are. If you tend to be devoid of compassion, that means that you do not care about yourself. Everything you do is a mere reflection of you.
Loving yourself puts the world in a whole new light. You stop lying to others and find the strength to face them with the truth because you love yourself enough not to destroy your integrity. You start being friendlier with people and treating them with greater compassion and care because you see yourself in that light. You do all of that because that is how you would like yourself to be treated. That is what self-love is about.
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Loving yourself creates new opportunities for you because you're working on bettering yourself every single day. It creates long lasting and healthier relationships because you're treating your relations with love and care. It sets prime examples for your children and colleagues. It makes you a better leader because you treat your subordinates with care and compassion. Self-love gives you a strong sense of purpose and a solid set of principles to live by, and the most beautiful part is that they're all of your choosing and none which are imposed. It makes life a whole lot easier for you to love simply because you're not at constant war with yourself. You are at peace with yourself and have achieved friendship with everything within you including your demons. You are a walking composition of allies working together to achieve what you alone could not do. Simply put, it is a power which gives you the confidence to take on all walks of life and not be afraid of failure because you know that as long as you are with yourself, you can always bounce back stronger than before. Be your friend. Do not limit yourself. Love yourself. Be limitless.
He who cannot bestow love unto himself, cannot bestow love unto others.