Sometimes just feels like a long dreary brutal life with no end or relief in sight. So then I feel like letting go but I never do. I'm used to feeling beat up and worn out. Drained of energy with a lack of inspiration. Been in that overwhelmed feeling mode my whole life. A place where if feels hard to start or even impossible to start. Yet I keep going. What else is there to do. I don't see any help or a way out. So I keep making noise, trying to make some sense, or any kind of sense. The world seems real screwed up. All poor people are held down in seems. The rich make unimaginable amounts of money. I don't understand why. Why even the desire to keep people down for money. I just don't fucking get it or the system. Greed doesn't make sense.
Imagine that eh!? Destroy the ecosystem, commit genocide against people, make sure everyone stays at the bottom. But what for. What is the logic. Who would want to hurt people and destroy the world for just money. I don't get it but it makes me mad! Who would want to do that!? All the consumerism we do buying cheap products is an act of violence against the people who create these products. What's the point!? Who wants plastic garbage that hurts poor people who make this crap!? How did this happen.
I'm at that point where I don't know what to think or say. Don't know what the future holds. I wish I knew or had more control. All I feel is struggle but life is so much more ya know. I know I keep going on here. Almost about nothing. I'm worn out. I don't know what to do. Yeah I will make some music and some art...beyond that what can I do. I don't want to bend over backwards for money. Lower my intelligence and standards just to make some quick bucks. I guess I like it the hard way.
So now I go through my mind. Try to figure what I want or what I could do. I find it hard. Many times I just do nothing. I sit on a chair and I do nothing. So unimpressed with society and culture. The culture of oppression. It makes me tired. I don't think I'm lazy but I don't want to work anymore. I just don't want to be taxed anymore. I don't want to be stressed over money anymore and just work again and again but never really get anywhere. I hate Christmas too! I never celebrate it or buy anything. I'm too poor. I never buy t.v.'s or new game systems. That's what everybody else does. It won't help me. The entertainments will make me even more unmotivated and stupid. I don't get consumerism. Who does it help and what does it accomplish!? Damn I feel weird.
