Note: This was originally published on Medium. This is my original content and I'm reposting here to share with the Steemit community.
Ever wonder how some people just seem to “have it all”? I don’t know about you, but I used to ask myself several questions any time I’d see someone who was visibly successful.
Is that person smarter than me? Is he or she more talented than me? Is this person luckier than me? Are they simply better than me in some or even every way? The answer is “NO” to all of them.
No one is smarter than me or you. No one is more talented than me or you, and certainly no luckier, or better in any way. There are some who do, however, have the ability to do a certain thing that enables them to achieve far more than many people could ever dream of.
The thing is, you can unlock this superpower for yourself, and use it in ways to serve you and those you care about.
Let’s be clear, someone who’s visibly successful isn’t necessarily happy. And someone who is willing to showcase their success for all the world to see may or may not be as wealthy and successful as they portray themselves to be.
I would encourage you to try to not be one of those people. If you achieve success, by all means, do spoil yourself and live well. You earned it, and you deserve it. However, sometimes financial success can be short-lived, and that’s when you find out who your real friends are.
Not only that, if you remain humble, there are many that will want to help you when you’re down instead of wanting to see you crash and burn because you forgot how to be a decent person.
Ok, so the secret to getting what you want is this:
Know what you want, FIRST.
Not So Fast!
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? I bet you’re like, “That’s it? That’s why I read this article, for one simple line?” I guarantee that one line isn’t as easy as it looks. If you keep reading, I guarantee you’re going to learn something today.
Often times people are way too vague in wanting something, and that vagueness prevents them from getting what they want.
In other words, they may think they know what they want, but they’re not specific enough, and therefore haven’t really identified what they truly want before wanting it to be realized.
I’ll give you a practical example. How many times have you thought or heard someone say, “I wish I was rich”? Or, “I pray every night for a better job”? What about, “I really want a nice car”! I’ve even heard, “I wish I had a happier life”.
These aren’t bad things to want, they really aren’t. However, they’re also very vague. Therefore, they’ll never be achievable. But, before you label me a dream crusher, I’ll give you the missing ingredient that could make any one of the things you wish or want or desire come true.
Be Specific. If you’re specific with what you want, that will open up a great many things for you, and you’ll get exactly what you want. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.
How To ‘Do’ This Specifics Thing
This isn’t a genie granting three wishes, getting what you want is real work. In order for you to achieve or get the things you want, it’s up to you to be specific. And only you can determine the specifics of what it would take to improve your life.
So, instead of saying, “I wish I was rich”. Take it a step further, by deciding first what your definition of “rich” really is. Is it to have a lot of money? If so, then HOW MUCH money? Put a number on it!
Is it rich in relationships, where you have true bonding and appreciation for friends, family, and even strangers? Then, write down what makes a great relationship for you.
I could do this all day long. New car? What KIND of new car? What brand, make, model, color, features?
Want to be thinner? How much weight do you want to lose? Give it a number. What do you want your frame and body to look like? What type of eating plan and workout routine are you going to be the most consistent with? WHEN do you want to be at your target weight? Be realistic, but don’t be too easy on yourself, either!
I lost 80 pounds in 7 months, because I defined everything about my weight loss journey. What, where, when, how, and most of all, why.
How about a happier life? This is a good one. Well, what makes a happier life for you? What would it take for you to be excited about waking up every day and being grateful for your existence? It could be one thing, or several things. But, it has to be specific.
So, why is all this being hailed as a superpower that will make every human being who does this better than someone who doesn’t? Well, first off, it doesn’t make anyone better. No one is better than someone else.
What it does do, though, is empower YOU to understand and identify the specific things you want or need so that both you and others would know how to make your impossible dream a reality.
If you don’t know what you want, how is anyone else going to know what you want? And if you can’t explain or ask for something specifically, people won’t know how to help you, and you won’t know what decisions and what actions to take to get you where you want to be.
For example, let’s say you want a “better job”. Ok, doing what? Working for whom? Yourself or a major Fortune 500 company, or something in between? Making how much? What duties and responsibilities would your dream job have? How much vacation? What kind of benefits?
Until you’ve identified these specifics, you can’t possibly know what a dream job looks like. Sure, some other people’s jobs may sound glamorous or fulfilling, but until you can define what your dream job looks like in every aspect possible, you won’t be able to attract the opportunities that will get you to that dream job of yours.
Some Real Life Success Stories
I’ve done this with my consulting practice. I took the time to really think about what a dream client would be like. What does my dream client do? What does my dream client not do? How big of a company is my dream client? What is the day to day culture and personality of my dream client?
For something as big and important as my life, success, and happiness, I can’t be too specific. I also can’t rush it, either, so I give it as much time as it needs.
And, yes, once I did that, I attracted my dream client, multiple times. Had great working relationships with my clients, and in turn, I didn’t have the stress, or the headache of working with people who could have otherwise made my life and career a living Hell.
By doing this before I even took on my first client, I made six figures my first year, rarely worked more than 30 hours a week, and made my own hours. Plus, I had tremendous client loyalty, as well as numerous offers to join my clients’ organizations full time with some very generous offers.
By simply knowing who I wanted to work with, I attracted those types of clients. If I came across someone who wasn’t the type of client I wanted to work with, I’d politely decline the work.
How about an even more important example? Relationships. When I first got married, I was 21 years old. Young, supposedly in love, and no clue about what I wanted in a relationship. And, when it came to my then wife, because I didn’t know what I wanted in a partner, what I got was the opposite of happy.
It wasn’t just how she treated me, it was also how I treated her. It takes two to ruin a marriage, in my opinion. But, for every bad thing that happens, there’s a chance to learn from it, and an opportunity to grow.
After my divorce, I started working on me. I first had to decide what kind of person I wanted to be. A better person, a healthier person, inside and out. Someone who had his own life in order, so that I could share that life with someone (eventually), and not require that person to make me happy, because I took responsibility for my own happiness.
Then, after being divorced for several years, and dating and having fun, I set out to define what the perfect partner would be for me. Everything from internal features, external features, habits, sense of humor, I mean, it was like “Weird Science” where I was actually building the girl of my dreams.
While dating I’d come close a few times, but was patiently waiting for the woman I’d determined was the perfect woman for me beforehand. And, I met her. She quite literally appeared out of nowhere, in the most unlikeliest of circumstances. That’s a different story for another time. ;-)
After our second date, which was about a week after our first date, we simply decided that we enjoyed being around each other so much, that we’d just get together after work… then again after work… then on the weekends… after a few months, we realized that from our second date on, we’d spent time with each other every day.
And, it was effortless, it was comfortable, and most of all, it was everything I’d said to myself it would be like; when it was the right person.
We’ve been together for over 13 years now, and married for close to 11 of those years. And, even to this day, I look forward to spending time with her, and she looks forward to spending time with me (if you can believe that).
We’re as strong today as the earliest days in our relationship when we realized we just liked being with each other. Not always having to do something exciting, or even fancy. Just existing in one another’s space, each with our own happiness that we’ve created for ourselves, and that we are willing to share with each other day by day, year by year, which will soon equal a lifetime.
Recap: So what did we learn just now?
- That other people aren’t any smarter, more talented, or luckier than you.
- Know what you want, FIRST!
- When you want more, be as specific as you can about what it is you want.
- When you’re specific, people and opportunities and other things come together to bring you closer to your specific want.
- That it works! Having shared just a couple of the numerous times this has worked for me.
BONUS: That if you recommend and share this article with others, you’ll feel great!
Thanks for reading, and here’s to wishing you the best in all things.