Well, I woke up as I often do with a song in my head, or rather the message of a song, and listened to the birds at my window and ate my breakfast in thoughtful silence and pondered. And maybe schemed. Except no. Well, maybe I'll do some scheming tonight, better to be doing under cover of dark, anyhow, when no one's about.
I'm interested often in the way we (humans) make choices, what drives our thought process, and perhaps most interestingly by far, how we live with those choices we make. Isn't that the most fascinating stuff you can think of? To me it is, for sure, so I got to thinking about this quite early before the day drew me away.
You can't live with the consequences of what you don't do.
Except that's not exactly accurate, is it? More often than not, we find ourselves haunted by the consequences of what we don't do than what we do end up choosing. Even when we know it would've led down a tremendously unfortunate path, there's still a part of you that doesn't know and it's fucking killing it. It's easier to know it turned bad than live with wondering whether it could've turned good. It's really that easy. And complicated, too.
Often, we get this silly notion in our heads that we can avoid getting hurt. That there is a right choice and a wrong choice. I mean, obviously, sometimes there is. Like don't throw shit on the ground or hurt somebody (though even that one's a complex question, isn't it). But usually, there isn't a way of avoiding hurt. It's not like you go left, you end up in the land of milk and honey, while the right path leads straight down to the witch's door. It might. They both might. Yet even drenched in honey, you might find yourself wondering....yeah, but what if I'd gone right instead? It's not in our nature to realize when we have it good enough. We manage it sometimes, though that's often the result of luck, familiarity with an existing path, and so forth. It's seldom because we're rational, sensible creatures.
"Do you think I'll regret this choice?"
Yes. But you'll regret making it and not making it equally. You'll regret staying, going, changing, keeping it the same, every crossroads that comes your way, you're gonna end up regretting, but since you can't Mr. Nobody it and not move, I guess you gotta learn to live with the regret.
And also, figure out, as best you can, what you might regret less.
Marginally less. Any margin will do. That's not easy either, there's pros and cons on both sides, and besides, worst of all, there's that fucking wantfulness we were talking about a few days before. A lot of choices arise from our wanting something, and quite often, that wanting is enough to just parachute everything straight out the window.
Make-believe wears a thin disguise
This love's just a lonesome lie
Well it's broken, bottled and blind
But for now... it's all I've got
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
Well, I wish you would, but I think you won't
Told you there was a song :) Obviously, this isn't necessarily about love, but then, aren't all the best songs tilted in that direction anyway? I figure it's fitting. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
In the end, it's just a question of what you can most afford to regret. They all are.
That being said, once you've made your choice, my advice would be keep straight. Don't keep looking over your shoulder wondering, or worse looking for other exits, hoping you can still change your choice. At any point, you can choose to live differently, but you are never presented with the exact same choice twice. It's a waste and damn dangerous to go living as if you could.
