I've been thinking a lot lately about designing the life you want to have when you're thirty, forty, seventy. And while I don't really believe that long-term plans can always be successful, at least not in the sense we expect them to, I do feel you should start thinking about the life you really want.
This can mean anything from your love life to your career, none of which you're thinking straight about at the moment. Obviously, this post is targeted at people my age, so 20-something-year-olds, but hey, maybe it applies to you, too. I don't know.
What I see happening is more and more young people assuming they've got all this time to make mistakes and bad decisions. Well, you do, but not a whole lot, so maybe you should be more careful.
Professional Indecision
Going off to university used to be a great idea, allegedly, but now, I don't think it is, anymore. A lot of the young people I've met went to university just to get a degree in something. For many' the school has nothing to do with what they want to do with their real careers, and many of the older people I know are working in sectors vastly unrelated to their degree. And while I think it's cool you can do that, it also makes me wonder if these people attending universities they don't really want, aren't just wasting their time.
Maybe three or four years doesn't seem like a lot when you're 18, but it kinda is. It's ample time to establish the foundations of a business, or to earn valuable experience in the field that truly interests you. Except many young people don't know that, because they believe they've got enough time to change their minds.
Romantic Indecision
I've also been thinking a fair bit about the process by which people my age choose a mate. Often, it has to do with what sort of music they listen to, or appearances, or whether or not they're fun. But it rarely takes into account whether or not that person has long-term potential, whether you share the same values or not.
I know a lot of young people who are in relationships just for the sake of being, though they'll freely admit this is not where their future is at. Well then, what are you doing here if this isn't it? Once again, we make the mistake of assuming we've got all the time in the world, only we don't, really. Yes, maybe when you're 17, you can afford to waste a couple of years on a relationship that goes nowhere. When you're 23, not so much. I've written before on the infantile world view that my generation seems to have, this stunted behavior that renders 24 the same as 17, ignoring the crucial seven year difference that accounts for so much development (or at least, so it should).
And I'm a big believer in doing what you deem right at the time, except that's not what's happening here. It's desperately uncool to be single, because - nobody wants you. And what are you gonna post about on Instagram, when nobody wants you? Your friends are all hanging out and being "in love" with their "significant others". What are you doing to justify your existence?
Only the other day, I was struck by this duality in young people. Last week, I ran into an acquaintance who confided in me, out of the blue, that she almost broke up with her boyfriend, and made various comments which led to me to believe they won't be together for much longer. A few days later, she posted a picture of them on Facebook, with a cutesy, loving quote attached above. Apparently, all we want is someone to post online about, even if they're not really it.
I got (fake) friends!
Lastly, there's the people we surround ourselves with. The friends and acquaintances, many of which you accept around so as not to feel lonely. Only that's a recipe for disaster, too, since sooner or later, you'll realize you wasted a whole lot of time with people who weren't really your friends. Though it may seem like it now, at this age, real friends aren't the ones you can go to expensive restaurants with. Friends are the people who'll stick with you when all that glitz washes off. As with partners, they ought to be selected based on common core values, rather than momentary affinities.
So maybe you should start building that life early on. Get a head start.
It's not cool to make healthy, safe choices in your 20s, but here's something they don't tell you all that often - making poor decisions all through your youth often means you'll make bad decisions in your 30s, as well. I think careers and relationships aren't something you can just switch on overnight. It's not like you'll magically wake up when you're 30, say you want a stable, satisfying career, and a close-knit circle, and a dependable partner, and you'll get it. They take time, and if you want them by when you're 30, maybe you should start working towards them now.