As someone who’s been cheated on, I know how brutal it is. You question everything.
Why wasn’t I enough?
Why would they pick someone else after everything we’ve been through?
Why didn’t they just talk to me about what was wrong?
Here’s the thing: cheating is often a fantasy. Not reality.
The person they cheated with? They don’t see their flaws yet. It’s all surface-level attraction and zero responsibility. Meanwhile, you're over here showing up in real life—messy mornings, real arguments, the ups and downs of partnership. That's what intimacy actually looks like.
When you're with someone long enough, things settle. The spark cools. That’s normal. It’s not that the love dies—it just matures. But for people chasing constant excitement, that stability feels boring. So they chase something new. Something easy. Something that doesn’t require emotional accountability.
With the person they’re cheating with, there’s no conflict. No expectations. No depth.
It’s fake peace. Because neither of them is really invested. That “relationship” exists in a bubble that can pop at any moment. And because of that, it feels light and effortless—until it doesn’t.
They Didn’t Respect You Enough to Think They’d Lose You
That’s the hardest pill to swallow.
When we love someone, we give them the benefit of the doubt. We know about their trauma, their stress, their childhood, the pressure they're under. And so we forgive. Again and again. Until that forgiveness turns into permission. Until they assume, “They’ll never leave. I can get away with this.”
Some cheaters think they can have it all you and the affair. Others think they’re so slick you’ll never find out.
The longer they cheat, the more careless they get. The more they believe they’re invincible. And that delusion? That’s what brings it all crashing down. They slip. You catch them. And suddenly the fantasy shatters.
Cheaters Know the Other Person Isn’t “Better”
“Better” doesn’t mean hotter. It doesn't mean more compatible. And most of the time, the person they cheated with isn’t a better match they’re just new. Easy. Low-effort. They don’t have to try with them. They don’t have to grow.
You remember the start of your own relationship, right? Everything felt effortless. It was organic. You weren’t dealing with bills, in-laws, or each other’s baggage.
But real relationships evolve. They require work. Cheating is a shortcut. It’s a way to feel wanted without having to do the maintenance.
This isn’t me telling you to stay. This is just your reality check—because getting cheated on can wreck your self-worth. But if you're going to beat yourself up over it, at least let the truth be part of the story. They didn’t cheat because you weren’t enough. They cheated because they were too lazy, scared, or selfish to deal with what was actually going on.
To Feel Desired Without Doing the Work
Cheating is the lazy way to feel important.
Real intimacy takes effort emotional presence, communication, accountability. Some people just don’t want to show up like that. So they reach for what’s easy. Something—or someone—that doesn’t require them to stretch, reflect, or show up fully.
Sometimes, It’s About Power
People with low self-esteem often don’t believe they deserve love. Doesn’t matter how many times you reassure them or how much you pour into them—if they haven’t done the work to feel worthy, nothing you do will be enough.
Now, I’m not saying everyone with low self-worth cheats. But sometimes, those people panic. Deep down, they believe you're going to leave them anyway. So they beat you to it. Sometimes they cheat just to sabotage the relationship. Other times, they don’t even want to leave—they just want you to be the one who ends it. That way, they get to play the victim.
It’s twisted. But when someone doesn’t feel worthy of love, they’ll often destroy it before it has a chance to leave them.