This is something we all inherently know, but we often fail to apply it in real life. Instead, we turn away people who could be a great fit for us simply because they’re not “perfect.” We overreact to small things that could easily be ignored or accepted. We forget that we aren’t perfect either, and our partner has to deal with things about us that they don’t like as well.
Everyone Has Different Standards
At least, that’s how I see it. Social media and the constant presence of others often push us to view relationships in a similar, idealized way. I’ve seen countless instances where a woman is happy in her relationship, but then she talks to her friends, and suddenly her opinion shifts entirely. Why? Because of something her friends said. Maybe one of them commented, “Oh, he should be doing this for you” or “He should treat you like that,” even if those qualities don’t actually matter to her. This leads to comparisons—her relationship to others’ or to what she sees online.
But that’s an impossible standard. On social media, we’re only seeing the highlights—the good moments, the positive sides. We don’t see the arguments, the struggles, or the flaws in both people. Comparison is silently ruining relationships, and many people don’t even realize it.
No Two People Are Exactly the Same
I’ve also seen people enter a new relationship, feeling great at first, only to start comparing their new partner to their ex. They get upset because their ex might have had certain qualities that their new partner doesn’t. They forget that every person is unique. Some of the qualities you dislike in your current partner might not have been an issue with your ex. But on the flip side, your new partner likely has qualities you prefer over your ex.
This is why comparison is so toxic in relationships. Just because your ex was better in some ways doesn’t mean they were a better partner overall, and it certainly doesn’t mean you were more compatible with them.
All Relationships Have Problems
It’s easy to look at other relationships and think, “They don’t have the problems we have. Maybe we’re not meant for each other.” But the truth is, every relationship has its own unique set of challenges—problems that you might not even be aware of.
Each relationship is shaped by the individuals involved—their upbringings, their needs, their expectations, and so much more. Why do we expect all relationships to look the same when no two people are the same? We’re all different. We’re all unique.
Perfection Won’t Make You Happy
Many people believe, “If I have this or that, I’ll finally be happy.” You’ve probably thought that 5–10 years ago. Yet, even if you’ve achieved some of those things, you’re still not completely happy. That’s because perfection doesn’t make people happy—it never has.
There will always be things about your partner that frustrate you, and that’s okay. There will always be some issue, even if it’s a minor one in the background, that you’re working on or learning to accept. Sometimes these things are so insignificant that they don’t even need to be discussed.
People often think that achieving a “perfect” life will bring them happiness, not realizing that perfection can lead to boredom. Sometimes, the chaos and imperfections in life are what keep things interesting. They force us to solve problems, grow, and try new things.
Instead of striving for perfection, strive for mutual understanding with your partner. Ironically, in the process of chasing perfection, we often damage our relationships. Our partner begins to walk on eggshells, trying to meet every expectation we set. This creates immense pressure and stifles their individuality.
Yes, you might achieve your vision of a “perfect” relationship, but at what cost? Is it truly perfect for them?
The Importance of Acceptance
Or perhaps they had to sacrifice so much of themselves to meet your standards, when they could have found someone who accepted them for who they are.
Even if you and your partner have a lot in common, your perceptions of a good relationship will differ. That’s why compromise is so important. The more you chase perfection, the further you’ll drift from it.