As I begin to draw the thick smoke into my lungs I can instantly tell this one is going to be the ticket. I look over to my friend who is sitting with me and nod my head in confirmation that this is the one. I take a long drawn out pull of the very harsh tasting smoke, forcing as much as I can, deep into my lungs. I can feel parts of my body hesitating and fears arising telling me to stop. I continue to inhale against my body's will. Once my lungs can't possibly accommodate another particle of the fowl tasting smoke I hold it in as long as I can. Instantly I recognize the feelings that begin to take over my entire body. "here they come" I think to myself. I feel the presence of the DMT Gods as they come down to my worldly plane. After I can't possibly hold it in another second I exhale an enormous cloud of thick dark smoke. Things are changing rapidly.
I remember to go for another hit. As I bring the glass pipe to my lips I light the lighter and put it to the base of the pipe. Something isn't quite right. I pull the pipe and lighter back to examine it with my eyes. I light the lighter again, questioning what I have in my hands. I can't comprehend what it is that I'm holding. I realize it has worked and I am already crossing over into this unfamiliar dimension. Another draw is futile, I hand the gear over to my friend and lay back onto the floor.
My consciousness leaves this realm and I am suddenly floating in the middle of space.
The best way I can describe what happened next is this feeling of everything that I am; my body, my mind, my soul, all begin to unfold. Like a piece of paper that has been folded up ever so tightly. Each time it unfolds there is another section(or compartment) that reveals its self. It continues to unfold and expand in every direction. It feels as if everything I know to be my 'self' is dismantled into fragments and scattered across this vast open plane. There is no time, just ever expanding space. I begin to experience unique visions in each of these compartment that have now spread themselves across this infinite plane. I no longer have a body, mind, or anything worldly. It's as if I have become stardust at the very first moments of the big bang and everything I know to be self is scattered in every direction.
For a very brief moment I feel inclined to focus in on one of the many fragments which I have become in an attempt to grasp it's own unique existence further. I quickly decide against this and allow this fragmentation of self to continue. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced as an individual. I was experiencing multiple realities all at once.
The one thing that was common between these various compartments was this organic feeling of a vine or plant that was growing and slithering into every corner. The thing was, it was not an observable vine but rather the experience itself that was alive and crawling in this very plant like fashion. I could feel that the plant medicine was permeating every cell of my disintegrated self.
I completely surrendered and allowed it to consume me; like wild vines encapsulating an old decrepit building. I could feel the integration of the medicinal properties as it seemingly reprogrammed my DNA. Every compartment was a kaleidoscope of the most vivid colours imaginable; expanding, contracting, and swirling in every direction. I was not an outside observer but in fact the colours and fractals themselves.
The detail and beauty are incomprehensible in our world. Not even the world's best artist could paint something so pleasing to the eye. You can feel the presence of Gods, the only ones with the ability to create worlds with such beauty. I did my best to take it all in, as a thousand life times of experience flashed before me.
Although my logical mind wanted to grab onto something concrete that it could comprehend, categorize, and identify with, the attempt to grasp onto merely one or two of these experiences seemed futile and limiting. Instead I continued my surrender as the multitude of these visions simultaneously display their elegant dances in the various interconnected compartments of my fragmented self.
I began to have the first feelings of self again. I could feel who I was. I felt courageous and a tremendous amount of self-love. I had no doubts or fears. I could see I was pure and of good intent. I realized that have the ability to choose and create any reality that I wish. Next I had a vision of the kitten that I live with and could feel how I have nothing but love for it. Such an innocent creature. Then I had a vision of a girl that I had been spending some time with. I had a similar feeling of her being a very innocent being that I have love for. Feelings of wanting nothing other than to love her. A feeling of wanting to give all of the love that exists inside of me. In my vision I held her close and there was nothing but love. I wanted to cherish and protect her for eternity. All of the obstacles that existed in reality seemed irrelevant and were merely walls that had been built up around fear. In my vision I had the courage to push past those fears and the ability to shine the light inside of me bright enough that her walls came down and she allowed my love in. I held her for the first time and I never wanted to let go. How powerful it would be to love someone so unconditionally and with such devotion. (nothing ever came of my friendship with the girl in my vision. But it was symbolic of the opposite sex)
I suddenly became aware of my physical body again for the first time. The first hints of returning to reality. I didn't want to leave this magical realm where anything was possible. This realm of divine creation. I became aware of my breath; It was shallow and broken. I felt like I was suffering. I realized I didn't have to suffer and that I was choosing to suffer. I was able to let go of this attachment to suffering and take a nice full breath. It was so relieving to let that go and restore a long, deep fluid breath into my lungs.
I then remembered there were two other people in the room and that they had been there for my entire journey. I felt pulled back to reality but didn't want to leave this place quite yet. I drifted between the two worlds for a brief moment and then started laughing out loud.
I could not believe the power of the medicine and felt extremely blessed to have had my life lead me to such a magical place. This was undeniably a realm of the Gods. It is most likely the place our spirits come from when we are born and where they return when we die. How is it that I could be so blessed to experience something of such divine nature?
Suddenly I realized a sound I had been hearing for the last while was in fact rain pouring down onto the yurt where we had performed the ceremony. Laughter, gratitude, love, and astonishment filled my body.
As the effects continued to wear off my scattered self began to reassemble. All the parts started getting closer as this invisible force pushed them together. In the centre of this infinite plane was a tiny grain of rice where the forced seemed to be pushing towards. It pushed and shoved from every direction, forcing the particles into the minuscule grain. Once all the particles were forced inside my consciousness popped out on the other side and I was back to our worldly plane. Our entire world was a mere speck of stardust in this ever expansive realm. I felt so confined and restricted.
"well, it worked that time" I said to the other two in the room. "Yep, definitely crossed over that time. How long was I gone?" "A good ten minutes" one of them replied. I had absolutely no concept of time on the other side. "Why didn't I introduce this into my life sooner?" I said (I have smoked DMT in the past and have crossed over fully only one other time).
What an utterly magical experience. I feel so blessed. Eternal gratitude oh great creator.
In the weeks to follow a lot of anxiety lifted from my life. I felt more confident and had more self-love. I become a lot more aware of my breathing and have since been breathing a lot deeper. My intentions have become more clear to me in regards to finding someone to share my love with. I am ever more grateful for my life and all of the experiences that have come to me. I have also become more accepting of others.
Much Love!
Thank you for reading.
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