Sometimes there's a moment when we feel like a living dead. We just don't know what to do and neither do we wanna die nor alive.At this point, we're constantly bombarded with questions " Why do I even alive?", " What is the purpose of my work?", " why do I even do things I am currently doing?". These moment can feel like an eternity.
For some people out there, they don't delve into questioning their life therefore looks happier. I personally question my life a lot. I think being alive has meaning and there is a reason I am here. If I weren't meant to be here, I would have been aborted or thrown into a dumpster.
Lately, I've been thinking of prospect future job. I am coming from a major that's basically signing up for being unemployable, so and so said. This video below, might help you in understanding my current situation. The main point is, I realized, " What the fuck was I thinking?"
Anyhow, while I was question what should I do with my future, I decided to call the person who knows me better than myself, the person is none other than my mom. I asked her several questions about my positive and negative traits. It turned out, I will barely fit in a corporation lifestyle and environment.
Regarding to a possible future career, I asked her to list five things that I am talented and have the chance to explore the field further. Her lists are : university lecturer (that's because I love reading and supposedly good at public speaking), writer (because that's something I've been doing for years), Human resource development (Because I am generally good at motivating people to get what they want and have a pretty good assessment of people), Tech field (she notices I love technology and I've always been into this at a young age, despite I am pretty mediocre at math), her last list was community manager or administrative jobs. Basically, any job that requires dealing with other human.
I find it intriguing because I always think I have difficulties dealing with them a.k.a human. Perhaps when it comes to professional level, I am pretty good at motivating people and being the cheerleader. Even though those lists were coming from my mother, I do love those fields. I just seem to be drifting apart from those things and floating around without any proper direction.
While I was on call, I managed to finish a page from my coloring book. I was happy that I could start coloring again. After the call, I am pretty determined to pursue those five lists at any cost. My mom didn't forget to remind me to work hard but also taking care of myself. Perhaps if you're having an existential crisis like I do, call the people who knows you best and ask them questions, they might help one way or another.
[macchiata]
img source pexels