Hey, where have you been you bastardingly handsome cavalier of a man?
I hear you cry.
Well, what a splendid welcome. Thank you! Who am I talking to? Myself. Oh my. Well, my middle name does happen to be Rhetorical. Not Literally Rhetorical because that would probably confuse even me.
So, where was I? Aha, Where was I indeed is the question.
I have been taking a bit of time out of online shenanigans, several events have happened to me and to those I know of late and it has been enough to give me pause and think, what the fucking fuck?
But, like an unwanted erection when your friend's sexy Auntie insists on having this dance at a wedding, I couldn't stop myself from popping back up. So, I prevailed myself with a short leave from posting till I got my head together and realised that I had a duty, not only to the platform I love but also a duty as the King of Men to get back in the posting saddle and that is what I aim to do. Perhaps it was the Cazcabel Tequila shots on Friday night? Perhaps it was the way that my morning poo on this very day glided out from me with nary a splash or a sound and into the water like a dark and majestic otter. I would hate to make that call on the precise event that drew me back like an iron filing in search of a magnet. So I shan't. But I shall tell you that I am back baby. With magnificent stories of life and its shenanigans and certainly not death for it is shit. It was death that drew me away, not my own I might add for that would make this a darker and more scarier tale than it is. Alas, no. It was someone else. A very good friend of yore who was younger even than myself. I do not write this for hugs and well wishes. I write it just to explain where I was as I love the old Hive and would hate to leave it and although I have dropped in a bit here and there I hadn't been my full Hiving self. By that, I don't mean farming the fuck out of daily shit posts for money or bitterly splashing my furiously typed seed onto the screen in place of a stout mitten. No no, It was simpler than that. I missed the chat and the bada-bing of life on the open web. A life where any old random can pop into your comments and call you dear and expect to be congratulated for it. A life where you can be tagged by a random dude from far away who wants to tell you why you are doing what you do in life. Ah, those are the best ones. That my friends is what Web 3.0 is. Perhaps even Web 3.1? Although I think the thing I missed most was doing my arty little cover pictures. I think they are arty at least. I will happily fight anyone who says otherwise. So, that is my update. Not the funniest but at least there are no pictures of shadows, flowers or trees. :OD For now...
fucking hell, given my age I might have to quit it with the sexy Aunty nonsense?!
Why you writing it then you prick? One might ask if they were a callow sort.