So, what do you think? You reckon the team will be up for it?
El Jefe's words hung in the air above my laptop like the greasy smoke from a burning tramp.
I pushed myself back slightly from the screen and gave it and him a long hard stare.
Let me get this straight. You're proposing that it will be mandatory to have a Covid jab before anyone can return to the office?
I said this with the puzzled air of a Chicken who has accepted an invitation to dine with Foxy Loxy only to find that he was to be the main course.
Yes, that way we know we are all safe.
El Jefe couldn't have sounded more ridiculous if he was blowing a Kazoo underwater whilst dressed as a duck.
Well, the vaccine doesn't stop you from actually getting the COVIDS. So you could still get it and then spread it about like cheap jam on hot toast?
I emphasised my point by employing my famous impersonation of a rational human being.
El Jefe twitched and jerked as if beset by flies.
What? What do you mean the vaccine doesn't stop you catching it? It's a fucking vaccine. That's what vaccines do, they make you IMYOOOOOOON???
The Jefe-elump pushed his face close to the camera, his mouth gaping, carp-like as he scoffed at me in a way that a six-year-old would be proud of.
IMYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
He repeated like a birthing cow, his eyes bulging as if he were deeply felating me.
Ever the gentleman, I waited for him to finish.
And finish he did, more quickly perhaps than I would have.
As I was saying, it doesn't make you immune, it...
El-Jefe rudely cut me off with a chop of his hand.
What the hell, Boom-Dawg? Are you one of them? The anti-vaxxers? Seriously? For real?
He looked at me the same way my Uncle Tommy had looked at me when I wore my first tie-dyed shirt.
Of course I'm not a fucking anti-vaxxer you tool.
I snapped. One of my very few sensitive nerve endings stinging at the accusation.
Interlude - some half finished cover art that didn't make the cut but I liked it :0)
Lovely! Now on with the show!
El Jefe frowned deeply and raised an eyebrow portentously.
Boom-Dawg, did you just call me a tool?
He thundered slowly like a Caribbean storm.
Hell no's boss guy, I said fool, not tool.
I nimbly skated over the crack-festooned thin ice that the Human Resources department wore as a skin.
And anyway, I was trying to tell you, you are not IMYOOOON if you get the vaccine, even if you have both jabs. You are just less likely to die like a panting asthmatic dog in the Spanish sun.
I weaved my fingers in a casty spell way at the camera to lure him away from focussing on being called a tool and a fool.
But Boomy... That's how vaccines work? I mean what do I have to do, google it for you?
He shook his head disparagingly at the folly of handsome men.
Yes please.
Yes please what?
Google it.
I smiled a bright smile, the smile of a man who suddenly realises that Kiss from a Rose wasn't sung by an actual Seal.
Google what?
El Jefe puffed confusedly like some kind of tool who had just been called a fool by someone rather cruel.
You said, 'what did you have to do, Google it for me...' So yes, please. Google it.
I nodded at him to do my bidding.
He made an exasperated Uuuuuuurrrhh noise then nodded.
Fine then. I bloody well will.
He leaned forward and peered at his keyboard before pecking out individual letters of his query with a one-fingered stabbing motion.
No wonder he never got married, I thought as he ponderously tapped away.
There!
El Jefe crowed with excitement at his achievement of googling something as the results flooded onto his screen.
It says...Oh, wait a minute...
He scowled at his laptop and then muttered something about someone playing funny buggers with the internet.
He cut the call.
I leaned back and chortled.
Aye, see you sooooooooon Mr IMYOON.