I went through depression many times. From the worst to wanting to "end it all" (standing at the end edge and looking down a high building) to a minor one with where I just want to sleep rather than face everything. From drug abused to getting professional help and get medicated to therapy to self-meditation -I think I went through it all.
Because I wanted to know more about my "feeling" (back then I didn't know it was depression. I just called it "my down moment") I read all the books about the psychology of mental and emotion so I can understand what I was going through. Knowledge come understanding and understanding come realization and realization come the power to control the uncontrollable (so they say...)
Am I cured? I don't know. If you ask any self acknowledge depressed person that question they would say yes and then behind close door, when they are alone with their mind... they will answer differently.
At times I still have my down moments and every one who experience this would know the best solution is to talk about it- to get out of that gloomy and black hole and DO SOMETHING. But it's not that easy. To reach out is unthinkable. People judge. Scorn. Ridicule. They don't understand the demon within. They would just say, "snap out of it!" and you showed that "you've snap it and nip it and throw it in a bin" but inside, you curl back into that fetal position and weep (think people won't think badly of me for writing this? Please, honey. I know the drill)
But what pull me through? As cliché as it sound- God, iman and my faith towards my religion and teaching. I may not look like it but my daily prayers and doas helps a lot.
Whenever I hear famous people end their life due to depression, I know what they seek is peace. It may not be the best solution but you don't know what it feels to be in their mind.
If you cannot imagine it, it's okay. Just shut your trap about "money can't bring you joy etc" or "sikda iman sidak tok" or whatever bullshit that come out of your mouth that spew malice, ignorance and cruelty.
Just know that some people have their struggles and whether they make it known or be quiet about it, just be nice and pray for their peace.
That is all I ask for.
May they rest in peace to those who lost their battle.
(To those uneducated Muslims, shut your trap about seksaan kubur or neraka etc. You are NOT God)