Now, after twelve months, what's left in my head about you? There is no. I'm writing this because I want to know my own inner reaction. Am i sad? Am I afraid? Am I angry?
After that occasion, I occasionally took time into silence. Giving space to my boisterous inside. Giving pause to my own mind. I watched. Paying attention to my mind's motion, feeling the sensations of my body, allowing myself to observe Me.
It took me a long time to go back to the house. Six months. And then, I did it after I got into the silence for three days on the edge of the hill. Opening the door, for the first time after the incident, I decided to pause for a moment. The fear suddenly vanished. He's not inside anyway. He also decided to leave. The only fear left was just in my own mind.
Every time I observed the inner silence, there was a warm feeling running down my chest. The sense that I have long since ignored for years I have lived in the giddiness. That warmth made me feel good. Tentram that made me reluctant to live in the past. I do not want to stick. I want to be free. I free myself from the pain.
Sometimes he comes back. Annoyed my life once in a while. Once or twice I wanted to get angry. Humane is not it? But my consciousness quickly returned. He is no longer entitled to my life. He no longer has the right to bother me. After all, I have forgiven him even though I will never forget. I'm at peace.
Now I understand. Life is just a stopover. The happiness I feel today can turn into grief. Also vice versa. Anger can turn into compassion. Nothing is really attached. Even if I had to experience that moment, I accepted it. Whole as part of me.
