But Until Then,
you'll just have to put up with my shit.
It's a rainy day here in Saskatchewan, Canada. The first one of the season for me.
If anyone here has a good memory, you'll know I scored myself a three day weekend recently. Since it's raining today and I typically work outside, we'll just call this a four day weekend.
I'm not moving. I plan to sit here, on my ass, all day.
Some may view this as a stroke of luck. I don't because I know tomorrow I'll most likely be rolling around in the mud.
I'm laughing. Laughing at life. I get a kick out of it.
Sometimes I can actually feel that kick go straight up my ass.
If I would have went in to work on Friday, when the weather was really nice; I would have finished an important task, the world would have given me my three day weekend due to rain anyway, and I wouldn't be thinking about how I have to roll around in the mud tomorrow because the mission would have been complete.
The comedy writes itself.
It feels great to be able to laugh at this stuff.
Just another day. No big deal.
Thank you, world.
Days like today, when there isn't much going on; they give me time to think.
Back in 2013 I was kicking ass at life, on the surface. Good job, nice place; living the dream.
I woke up from that dream though. I was sitting in the office, working on staff schedules, bored out of my mind. Lonely. Unhappy.
I had been thinking about quitting for over a year but I didn't have the nerve. I finished those schedules, looked at my boss and said, "Hey, man. I can't do this anymore. I'm out. Later." I didn't plan that. It just, happened.
I had been with that company for thirteen years and I didn't care. I just needed to get the hell out of there, so I left.
I had no idea, two years later, I'd be on the streets of Edmonton asking strangers for spare change and smokes.
I moved there to start a new life after taking some time off and spending all of the money I had saved up from my career life.
Things were going well enough, for a start. I came back to Saskatchewan to be with family for the holidays and once that was all said and done I went home to find out I didn't have a job anymore. I had spent nearly everything I had on gifts and bus tickets.
I Was Forced to Swallow...
My Pride.
Within two months of failing the job hunt, being forced to spend the rest of my cash on living, being evicted because food is more important than rent; I found myself trapped inside a cousin's unfinished basement bedroom prison cell. My release day; fast approaching. They didn't want me there and that was fine with me because I didn't want to be there either. It was that or the streets though.
I found the bottom.
And I needed that.
I was a spoiled brat for far too long. Life was too damn easy for too many years before the self-inflicted chaos. I needed to know what it's like to have nothing and nobody instead of just thinking that's what I have when I felt like feeling sorry for myself.
Of course, I didn't know I needed all of that while it was happening.
Looking back, seeing myself going up and down those sidewalks attempting to scrounge up enough change for a cheeseburger at least; feeling those hunger pains. That was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
A Good Kick in the Ass
Doesn't mean the fight is over.
This fight is scheduled for three five minute rounds.
Those guys and gals who beat the shit out of each other in the octagon spend their entire lives preparing for something that might not even last fifteen minutes. They get hit, they fall down, they can't even see clearly and the only thing they want to do is get back up, that's all. One simple move we all learn, as babies. Anyone can do it.
So behind these clouds,
I can still see that sunny day.
Believe it, or not. The moment I wrote that little line above, the room lit up.
Have a nice day.
