Nothing was going my way, I couldn't see the little pleasures of life. I think I had too many dreams and expectations, especially from others. I wanted someone to provide happiness for me.
Being miserable isn't something to strive for. I decided to pick myself up. One Saturday morning I just took a bus over the border by myself. I know, it's not that special. The first time I traveled alone was at nine years old. And it was by plane. But this time, for some reason, just taking a bus for a one day trip made me nervous. Maybe kids have more courage.
Looking through the window, the scenery was blurred by my thoughts. I was trying to soothe my nerves. The road took me over the Friendship Bridge that's crossing the Danube river, the second longest river in Europe.
The surroundings still reminded me of home. As soon as I got off the bus I regretted it. Not even lunchtime and the temperature was 30 degrees Celsius. No breeze was coming from the Black Sea.
My mood changed, though, when I entered the garden of Balchik Castle.
This place has a special history. When the area was part of the kingdom of Romania, the castle was built for Queen Marie of Romania. She loved the place so much that her final wish was that her heart would be kept there in a gem encrusted box. After the territory returned to Bulgaria, Queen's Marie heart returned to Romanian soil.
Photographing the beautiful flowers in the garden, observing the bees and butterflies kept my mind occupied.
The vibrant colours of the delicate petals calmed me. I was disconnecting myself from the sorrow I felt, but still buzzing at the back of my mind. Little by little, I was discovering hidden secrets: a rusty watermill, a few small waterfalls, an abandoned pair of shoes. Where they the Queen's dressing shoes? I doubt it, she was long gone. Still, it piqued my interest.
As I was walking down the stairs and peeking through the trees, it showed itself, the Black Sea. Calm and tranquil. Its blue colour matched the serene, summer sky. It gave me some peace and a sense of meaning. Nature has a mysterious effect on me, I think on all of us, actually. I realized that I'm a part of this wonderful world and it's there for me to experience it, even if it's just through simple things like enjoying a view.
The world is open to me, waiting patiently for me to just make the first step and go through the archway. Sometimes that first step is the hardest to take. I remembered an old Chinese saying:
A journey of a thousand li starts beneath one's feet.
Standing in that archway, searching into my soul and contemplating the complexity of life shook me the most. It was bittersweet. I just had to go forward, didn't want to be trapped anymore. Beneath me was another garden, only with roses and their perfume was powerful and ravishing.
At lunchtime I made friends with an Italian-Romanian couple; it was nice of them to invite me to join. Also, it was nice to practice my Italian, I hadn’t spoken it in four years.
The road back home I felt more uplifted. I was going to make some steps forward. I would make my own way, take things as they come and just enjoy the ride. I didn't need luxurious things, exotic places to visit (although I would not say no), simple things matter also.
As you can see, this was not really a traveling post, more like a personal journey to find myself. Every now and then I find it beneficial to take a moment for yourself, disconnect from daily problems and return to the busy life with a new, fresh perspective.
