Have you ever been the kind of busy that makes you feel like you deserve a medal, a pat in the back and public recognition?
You know, the kind of busy that makes you feel like you just beat Big Boss or that you are Horatio at the end of Hamlet?
That busy that butchers to-do lists and and conquers accomplishments like you are Genghis Khan? You feel so accomplished, you might as well build an empire too, while you are at it.
That kind of busy that puts a bounce in your step and although you are tired, you high five yourself before you go to bed with a smile on your face...
Me looking at my to-do list (Hamlet: Source)
Well, that is not the kind of busy I have been lately. I have been the other kind of busy;
The one that leaves you exhausted and unaccomplished
The kind of busy that feels like I'm only checking off boxes from other people's to do list, while mine keeps growing and growing
The busy that makes me feel like I am on the wrong side of the Mongul warlord's sword
I might as well be Ophelia...
After one too many sighs before bed, all this busyness made me think about priorities:
"You make time for what you value" - I don't know who said but I'm sure it is someone people should listen to
In my mind, I have all my priorities straight. I mean, I started the year with a vision board, I'm practically a Pinterest board personified. My vision board has things like "learn a new language:" et oui, je suis un genie ( I only started 3 weeks ago) and be healthier, which I did great for about 40 days, and then I ate cake and haven't stopped since... And when I take a look at how busy I have been but how little I have actually accomplished for myself, it makes me think
Do I not value the things I think I do?
I can't even blame Murphy for this (bummer! I love passing on the blame). Earlier this week, I was worn out, I needed a break and I needed to do house chores, I was running out of clean undies and I haven't taught my cat how to mop the floors yet. Everything seemed to be piling on. I took a break, a much needed break. I took a break from something that I actually really enjoy, which is my Wednesday night women's Bible study, and sure I got a lot done that night and went to bed semi-early, felt a small sense of accomplishment mixed with a mild sense of "I missed out on something I care about". Looking back, the things that had preoccupied my mind and time prior to me needing a break, were not all so paramount as I originally thought.
As much as I think I am Wonder Woman, I can't make time for everything. Trust me, I tried. So I'm learning to prioritize, which gathering from this post you can surmise that I'm not best at. I'm giving the good ol' college try... but like, not really because I haven't been to college and goodness, I'm sure prioritizing is as hard are going to college, but I wouldn't know. What I do know is that I'm getting off track here... Priorities.
- What I believe - Faith
- What I want to accomplish - Short term goals
- What I want out of life - Long term goals
All my priorities have to follow this hierarchy -- or at least I would like to think it does. I would like to think that most of what I do is in accordance to what I believe, and that all my steps are moving me closer to my objectives. When in actuality I'm just fighting really hard between who I want to be and who I am. You see, prioritizing is more than the order of your to-do list; it is setting into motion who you want to be. I can sit here and type to you that learning to sew is one of my priorities -- because reasons and cosplay -- and just because it is on my vision board and I tell people that this is what I want, it will not make me a seamstress (just practically one).
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." -
Romans 7:15, 18, 19
The struggle is real. Prioritizing is hard. Being busy is tiring, however, once you have prioritized, not everything that is keeping you busy is necessary or beneficial. Anyways, keep on keeping on, my friends!
Thank you for reading, you're the true MVP here!
Me after I am done with my to-do list (Ophelia: Source)