After nursing along our old microwave oven for several months, the "start" button finally quit working altogether and the purchase of a new microwave moved up the priority list. The one I bought is actually too large for its intended spot in the kitchen so I will have to return it. But I read the safety instructions and am still laughing.
"Do not dry clothes, newspapers, or other materials in the oven." Hmm, I wouldn't have even thought of that!
"Do not hit or strike control panel. Damage to controls may occur." No kidding! (Actually, we resorted to poking the recalcitrant "start" button on the old one with a stick, but it didn't help.)
"Do not use your oven for home canning." Wow, I can't even picture that one.
"Do not dry meats, herbs, fruits or vegetables in your oven." Duh, that's what food dehydrators are for.
"Do not cook/reheat whole eggs, with or without the shell." Now I really want to try that and see it explode!
"Do not use the oven for any purpose other than the preparation of food." Dang. I was going to try to sew with it.