The world is my oyster, not a f****ing toilet! This past week was just beyond crap and as much as I would like to believe "everything happens with good cause", are we always able to see what that cause is? And does attitude really make a difference as to what plays out afterward?
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On Monday, after falling out of bed, I stood up groggily and began rubbing my right eye as if it needed a deep tissue massage. I took a single step, and from there I tumbled down an entire flight of stairs covered in barbed-wire and burning tar... At least that's what it felt like. Life isn't always supposed to "go your way", but sometimes it's difficult to shake the feeling that the universe just wants to f*** with you for entertainment purposes.
Prioritizing Being Useful over Being Healthy
I got to work and a couple of hours into my shift I began to lose my voice. My throat was feeling irritated and anything above a whisper jolted me with pain. Since I needed to talk continuously while asking my customers if they need bags, chopsticks, among other things- I was already fighting a losing battle when my coworker was sent home sick ahead of me. There were just not enough people working for me to leave home too, this is what I told myself anyway. The timing couldn't be more ironic as I had just announced that I had 3 days left to write 12 blogs, for a challenge I was doing for myself.
I honestly thought it was nothing, and that I would get better when waking up the next day. My condition only worsened. I was having trouble breathing clearly, and at night I would have to cough up every 10 minutes or so. My sleep was greatly affected, and even though I was resting a full eight hours, I would wake up feeling exhausted and fatigued. My challenge had hit it's final day, and even though I wasn't feeling my best, I was still trying to make it.
And with a little over 4 hours to spare,
You Never See It Coming
I spilled water on my keyboard, and it stopped working completely. Weird thing is, my keyboard is a fairly new, mechanical board advertised as "spill-proof". Advertising is important friends. I didn't knock an entire glass over, just a benign drop or two from the condensation collecting on the surface. I went out to pick up something to use for now, but the time from the store and back took far longer than expected. It was raining that evening, and I was walking about a mile back. Last thing I needed was two broken keyboards.
By the time I got home I barely had any time left, and I wasn't about to rush through 6 blogs just so I can say I wrote 30 blogs in January. So instead, I made myself some soup, wrapped myself up in a warm blanket, and went to sleep.
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Wising Up on Medicine
Thursday came, and although I had gotten my voice back, that was the only symptom that went away. I was having trouble standing up and focusing at work, and needed to rest right when I got home. On Friday, I woke up and I still wasn't better. I finally went to the doctor to see if I could be prescribed some form of antibiotic for my ailment.
The hospital I normally go to doesn't have a clinic apparently, so imagine my face in the Emergency Room waiting area for having a sore throat. Hospitals already give me the "hibbie jibbies", and I overheard that a guy got bitten by a giant centipede-no-thank-you. Even though I didn't want to be there, I realized that my next off day wasn't until next week. I abruptly paused in the importance of my situation, that I shouldn't be putting my own health and well-being in the backseat. I called out of work, to make sure that I could get treatment for whatever it was that I came down with.
My doctor didn't want to prescribe me any antibiotic. He also made it clear that he could easily prescribe me some, but didn't want to! I learned that we can build immunities not only to bacteria, but also to the medication meant to kill it, if we have too much of it earlier in life. He recently had people in their 60's and 70's who became resistant to antibiotics, and didn't want the same for me. A sigh accompanied by a little smile and said; "hopefully you can understand." With that, he wrote me a note excusing me for Friday, and two prescription medications.
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Bad Apple
I didn't know what they were, but I was told why going to the doctor was the right choice. I got a bottle of syrup called promethazine/codeine and a small order of pills called Sudogest. I learned that stronger grade cough medicines are the primary ingredient in "lean/purple drank" and gets abused in tandem with alcohol to make a dangerous party drug. Sudogest/Sudafed used to be sold over-the-counter, but now requires a prescription to acquire. It is often used as the main ingredient in meth. My doctor pegged me as a person who wasn't secretly running a meth lab in their residence.
It's a concerning reality to know that even the more common health issues require a doctor visit now, because some people abused these medications meant to treat illnesses. The whole week leading up to Friday I was taking Dayquil, and Nyquil Severe Cold and Flu, but they were not strong enough to combat Acute Bronchitis. I went to my pharmacy to pick up my meds, and to my surprise, my co-pay on my health insurance covered it 100%.
I Thought I Had it For Sure
When I went to bed early last night. I could work on my homework and blogs today, then make it to work. Unfortunately for me, the universe doesn't work that way. The light peeking through my windows is what woke me, when it should have been my phone alarm setting me up for a productive day. I was feeling much better and refreshed, but a spot on my bed was feeling extra warm. I know I didn't plug in my heating pad the night before.
I reached from under my blanket and pulled out my phone. I unlocked it, and now I know why the Netflix show is called Black Mirror, because that's exactly what I was looking at, my lips agape in comprehension. I tried to factory reset it with every Power + Home + Volume command available but the only thing staring back was darkness, offset by a green blinking notification button. The phone I had was the Samsung s6 Active, where the battery is unremovable without breaking the screen (the down-side of waterproof phones) not to mention the 2 years of wear I had on it.
A Luxury or Necessity?
Just my luck right? I went to Walgreens, and Walmart to try to pick up something temporary because it would be cheaper to get a prepaid device and just swap my sim-card. That would have worked out, if both stores weren't sold out of phones for my carrier. Instead of saying f*** all with my day already, I calmly headed over to an official retailer to get some sort of replacement. Upon arriving, I explained to the staff my issue and how I needed a new phone. My only option was to buy a nicer phone, and this was the only reasonable option left to me. We got me set up, and I was out the door. On my walk home, I received a text from a number that I didn't recognize. Likely because some of my newer contacts weren't backed up. They wanted to know how I was feeling, and I replied with asking who this was because I had gotten a new phone. No reply.
I had gotten some chores done, and was going over some homework when I decided to message Peyton, confirming my 4pm shift. Just the act of making sure sent me down a wormhole of misery when he responded that my shift was from 12-2pm today, although I was convinced that it was 4-9pm. I looked down at the corner of my screen to see it was a little after 2, and I had just missed my entire shift... without realizing it.
This will always be one of my favorite quotes, because of the meaning derived from it. It's like saying; "If the world is only presenting you with bad situations, then you should change your thinking." There's no shortage of adages in which perspective is the defining factor that determines the next scenario.
"Out of Your Control"
There are many ways to look at a situation that is within my own power to change, or isn't. You'd be amazed at how easy it becomes to mix up the two when you are being affected directly by things left and right on a regular basis. You begin to adopt the thinking that "life happens to you," forgoing any responsibility you may have had to yourself. Even with this, not everything can be controlled indefinitely.
I couldn't control getting sick, you may say that I could have a healthier diet and take up many precautions to preserve my health. Although this may be true, everyone gets sick at one point or another no matter who you are, and if we didn't; Most of the people working in the medical field would be out of a job. I didn't intentionally snap my keyboard in half, accidents do happen sometimes no matter how cautious we think we are being. As far as my phone becoming a cute paperweight, I was somewhat astonished to see that it lasted this long in the first place.
A lot of "keeping our shit together" deals with trying to predict the future and basing all of our actions, and interactions on what we cannot know nor see. This week for me, was a constant reminder that no matter how much I can try to prepare, that what I only have is right now... That's all. How I handle a situation will have a great impact on what the current day and what some of the future ones has in store for me as well. Each time something happened, I was quick to react. I did wait to see if I would get better, but I took that day out- Instead of waiting a whole week. I didn't need to replace my keyboard on the spot, and I could have "shooed away" the idea of replacing my phone until some indescribable later- When the opportunity presented itself.
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When the Universe Has Plans for You
Isn't some ancient voodoo magic.... As much as it isn't just something people say to help with coping, grieving, and the many struggles, and challenges we face in life. After this entire week of getting sick, failing a personal challenge, breaking my keyboard and phone, and missing a shift for work, I could have easily been bummed out for the rest of today saying woe is me, a typical ending.
Yet, when I needed to rest but didn't want to, the universe strung together scenarios where I would be placed into r&r just to chill without worrying for a little while. When I didn't leave work early even though I knew I was sick, the universe made it so that I ended up taking a day off to get the medication that would help. Now I know I wouldn't have been able to get them going to a grocery store. Sure, I could have written 4 blogs in 6 hours, but at that point- Even I would question my own reasoning, needlessly skewing my quality all the while believing it was for a greater purpose.
Fate/destiny/what happened made it so that I would miss work today; since we must call a manager for sick days, and the photo of my schedule for this week became lost in a massive sea of albums in a phone I could not access. I didn't even get the benefit of knowing that it was my manager who texted me earlier.
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When It Counts the Most
It would have been easy to place blame outside of myself, or feel that the world is against me because of all of this. I could have laid in bed depressed just knowing so many things went wrong this week. I feel that the moment when we reach our lower points is explicitly when our souls get put to the test. It's easy to make responsible decisions and stay motivated when everything is working in your favor, but what about when it's not? We have to be the ones to negate that reality and step back to view the bigger picture.
The universe, my subconscious, or some higher being (Cthulhu?) wanted me to relax more this week, and to get me a new phone too! And because my thoughts are shifted, my reactions and opportunities shift in proportion. I've had a productive day so far, and now that the worst is hopefully behind me- The only direction I can move from here is up.
The only one who can shit on your life is you.