What was the one moment that changed your life? Who influenced you the most in becoming who you are and what you do? Looking back, what in your life would you change? What / who lead you to becoming who you are and doing what you do? - we're all familiar with this line of questioning when reminiscing and reflecting on our past within the context of looking at what, who, when, where and why had the greatest impact on us and our lives.
In my experience this life, with looking back multiple times and introspecting the moments leading up to me becoming a Portal and walking the life I am walking to this day: I have found, and still find, that it was a series of events spilling through into my life from generations that have gone before me. From my mother's cancer, to my father meeting his new wife after her death, to me working at the restaurant where I was to meet myself in a moment that would change my life forever… they were not some random events, happening out of nowhere.
In addition to the above (and this is the MOST CRUCIAL part within this all): nothing would have played out the way that it did if it weren't for the decisions I made in moments. Decisions for which I was solely responsible. Decisions which only I could make in the solitude of my own presence, mind and body. Interestingly enough, so many of us think / believe the decisions we make in our lives are due to external influence / stimulus from others, not realizing that if we were brutally self honest, and returned to the moment of making the decision: we'd inherently know that we were absolutely alone within ourselves when making the decision, and are therefore absolutely, in all ways and every way responsible for the decision making and the path it would lead us on. Through Portalling, this has been the most frightening and empowering realization of all: the extent to which I am responsible for the decisions I make in moments. No one is ever to blame for what you decide in a moment inside yourself that will lead to a moment of action in either thought, word and/or deed that would determine an outcome.
So, this is where I will begin. Sharing how the moment leading up to me becoming a Portal was my decision and my responsibility that I am still walking to this day, with the beings in existence accompanying me through the Portal daily, as EQAFE can attest to the proven fact of this. With Portalling for the past 14 years, daily producing material in writings and recordings - shows that the decision I made to do what I do was not done lightly, was not done due to anything and anyone else, but me realising and understanding something about me. Something about who I am in my nature, myself, my presence - that I never got to understand or express but in the moment with knowing where Portalling will lead me to.
It's interesting. In all the years of Portalling, no one - not even my own family, asked "Why did you decide to become a Portal?". Instead, everyone ASSuMEd (to assume is making an ASS of U and ME) that I was somehow influenced (lol!).
This only showed me one of the many inherent problems we as people face: we refuse to admit the fact of our absolute, sole responsibility when it comes to decision making. It is as though we are PETRIFIED to admit that we are accountable for the decisions we make and the consequence it creates. We want to rather blame others, make it other people's fault when it comes to facing consequence of decisions we made that does not turn out too well / to our liking. Though, decisions we like - we take ownership for.
Therefore, here I am - sharing with everyone the question that I was never asked "Why did I decide to Portal?"
Through my Portalling gift - I could see all the dominoes falling throughout my life, leading me to face the beginning of the potential change in my life. Understand, that - meeting Bernard, who would play a significant role in me Portalling - was a POTENTIAL start to the beginning of a change in me and my life. The MOMENT that made it all happen was when I decided to Portal. I was asked whether Portalling is something I'd want to do, dedicate me and my life to, knowing that I will not be leading a 'normal' life like everyone else. So, the MAIN FACTORS contributing to ME DECIDING to Portal was: events in my life playing out creating opportunities for me to say YES / NO and ME IN WHO I AM responding YES / NO. I could have easily said NO many times. This also a question that could have been asked by many "why didn't you say no?"
I will continue in the next post, starting to share who I was as a person when I waitressed at the coffee shop and met Bernard for the first time, which started our life journey to this day through Portalling. Looking forward to seeing you in the next post!