Disney movies taught me young that a princess was exactly what I wanted to be. How could it not?
As far back as I can remember I idolized the Disney branded Princess but yet my soul craved the strength Of Xena The Princess Warrior
The perfection, the beauty? My God the luster of dreams! To be noble and gentle enough to sing and have the animals join you but to also be gorgeous and valiant like the warrior I watched with my mother?
Well....That was my dream , my ideal of beauty. But it also seemed like an unattainable balance.
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But as a little girl I never really felt beautiful.........
I felt awkward and weird and boyish.
I was a flame of a child. Wielding bright red locks with freckled skin always just rolling around for the sake of messy adventure. I had wild curls that didn't make sense. My teeth were far from the perfection I grew up watching on television, in movies.
I felt ugly.
I was inherently jealous of any and every girl with bright blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and more importantly a sun-kissed tan. That was my idea of beauty. How could it not be?
That was what society had imposed around me.
My sister was awkward as well. In fact growing up she was no stranger to dirt caked hands and odd haircuts. I blame the haircuts humorously on my mother tho, we learned young that scissors and vision under the influence of alcohol was just not a good idea.
Throughout school we were both teased relentlessly. The thing we were tortured for the most?
Our fiery locks and our "weird" freckles.
You would not believe the malicious comments we heard only as kids!
Many of which aren't appropriate enough for me to repeat. We were called little Devils and the kids would joke that we were actually Evil. As a little girl when you're left out of foursquare because some kids think you're bad well that just hurts. Middle school? That was even worse! I was tortured in middle school. That was when being tan was the thing. Not only was it over my hair but now it was my skin too. "casper, ghost, pasty, milk jug." I was told more than once if I would "go get a tan" I would actually be.....pretty.
As a teenager I didn't see what was so special about carrying this recessive gene, because even into high school I hardly EVER felt beautiful.
But yet so many adults told me in the future it'd be different. I'd love it.
Every girl around me was tanning their skin and they looked so beautiful! I wanted to be beautiful too! So I had my first go round with self tanner. I just knew that it would finally make me feel beautiful.
It was my first experience with fake tanner. And I went OVERBOARD. Yes, I turned orange and even worse my palms were copper.
All of the girls I admired; they laughed at me. Well that just made me try harder! My new thing, in between practicing my fake tanning skills, was laying out smothered in baby oil.
I literally soaked myself and laid out in the sun for as long as I could possibly stand it. Well I have what people refer to as porcelin skin and I got some of the worst sunburns of my life.
I am so sensitive to the sun I am borderline allergic to it, well sadly for a long time that didn't deter me in my conquest for acceptance.
So to everyone young freckled faced Ginger. Hold fast baby girl your day is coming. You are not odd, or ugly. You're hold the mysticism of the phoenix and many a men long just for the attention from a beautiful redhead.
And for me, well... I'm a princess a warrior and an adventurer. God knows every woman can be all three.
Sincerely , A Ginger
